Self Portrait, 21st December 2005
21st December 2005
Twelfth in the series - a self portrait a day until Christmas.
It never ceases to amaze me how different these self portraits can be, one from another. I guess it depends on many things, like the quality of the light, the materials I'm using, whether I'm on the boil or not on a particular day. But since they're all drawings of me, by me, I find it surprising the difference even from one day to the next.
This was a two and a half hour study in charcoal, I got completely lost in this one. Michelle came home from work while I was still working on it and asked me how long it had taken. "Maybe an hour or so". Then I checked the clock, and realised it was over two hours. When I produce a reasonable drawing, one which marks some kind of progression, it always seems to go along with me losing all track of time and becoming completely absorbed, to the exclusion of all else.
Michelle was talking to me but I was still working. I found I was thinking the answers to her questions without saying them, it took an effort to make the words come out. It's a strange kind of relaxed but total concentration which always seems to characterise a decent piece of work. It takes a mental effort to come out of it if the phone rings or someone talks to me while I'm in it, and normal reality resumes slowly, bit by bit, after I've finished - if I haven't been interrupted that is. It's like emerging from a bubble of stillness around the easel.
I think that Betty Edward's right brain drawing exercises are primarily geared towards getting into this frame of mind before you start working. She has a very interesting exercise in which you follow the creases in the palm of your hand slowly with your eyes, noting every little detail, whilst simultaneously drawing the creases with your other hand, but not looking at the paper. It takes a mental effort not to look at what you're doing, but you can get it down pretty quick. I'm thinking about trying that exercise before every drawing, just for 10 or 15 minutes, to see if it helps me to get into that magic concentration mode.
The approach for this one was pretty much the same as usual. Measuring first with a b pencil, roughing in the shape of the head, the eye-line and rough position of the eyes, the nose and mouth line, and the position of the ears. Then I outlined the main tone blocks (not filled in, just outlined with the pencil). Proportions looked ok at this point, so on to stage two - filling in the main tone blocks. I did this very lightly this time, gradually building the darkness of the tones step by step.
Before starting this one today, I'd been looking over the drawings so far, and was thinking how little control I appear to have over my medium. When I call a drawing 'scrappy', I mean that I don't think it's been very well drawn. I'm talking about the finish and the handling of the medium, not whether its in proportion or has a good likeness. Some of the drawings up to this point have been very scrappy. Yesterday's drawing was especially scrappy, which was a shame because it was largely in proportion and was a fairly good likeness, apart from the shape of the back of the head and forehead being wrong.
I'd also been looking over some of the portrait drawings on the Fine Art Commissions Ltd web site. There's some very good work there. Whilst I know it's way too early for me to be directly comparing my drawings with those of established portrait artists who've been working for years, it's difficult if not impossible for me not to do it a bit. It really jumped out at me how much better controlled the majority of the charcoal drawings there are, compared to my current work.
Certainly that influenced this drawing. I was vaguely conscious of trying to think about every mark that went down onto the paper, whereas I've been drawing with a more hit-and-miss approach so far. I built up the tones slowly, rubbing over with my fingers to smooth the tones out, lifting a lot of the charcoal, and building up the forms in a slower and more deliberate way. I was trying to place the marks right first time and then leave them, without too much fussy reworking and correction. Before I came to stating any lines or details, I had the tones well established and I could already see that there was a likeness there.
When it came to the details, eyes, nose and mouth, I used a charcoal pencil. These aren't as nice for broad areas of tone and roughing out, since it doesn't smudge as easily as normal stick charcoal and you can still see the hatching lines in the shading. With a charcoal stick you can get a smooth finish very close to the look of actual skin, it's more like painting than drawing. But the charcoal pencils are very good for detailed work around the main features, the marks go down more strongly and stay where you put them.
Thinking more about control of the medium has paid off I think. Although its done with charcoal, a very 'loose' medium, this drawing is more controlled than many of my pencil drawings. Charcoal allows a huge range of tones and quality of marks which is why I like it so much, but it can get out of control very easily if you don't watch it.
This drawing marks a step forward I think, in every department. The proportions are good, not bang on, but good, and I've got the relationships between the tones much better. I've been working into some areas too much in previous drawings, getting things too dark and emphasising them too much. Being blond (and without much hair to start with), the darkest tone on my face is my eyes, and I finally got that right with this drawing.
I think the likeness is good. This is a portrait, not an exercise. I look at this drawing and I see myself looking back at me, with my characteristic unconscious concentration face which always seems to make me look slightly angry. I pinch my lips together and frown when I'm concentrating hard, and I appear to have got that very close. It doesn't really make for nice picture but it does make for an honest one.
To hear me go on you'd think I'd produced some kind of masterpiece today, which I plainly didn't. The eyes are a shade too close together I think, and I'm still not 100% on the shape of the head. Although the drawing is more controlled, it still looks hesitant and like I'm grasping for something without the confidence that I'm going to get it. Confidence counts for so much, but that too will come with time and practice.
For today, I'm happy that I've made a jump forward in the quality of the drawing, the control over the medium and the likeness. With this in mind, I'm throwing caution to the wind and giving this one an unheard of four out of ten. I may change my mind tomorrow.
Marking these drawings is a bit of fun really, but with a serious side too. It reminds me how far I've still got to go. Michelle said today that she thinks I mark myself very harshly, I disagree. When I give these drawings a mark out of ten, I'm thinking about where this drawing is in relation to where I want be. I'm making no pretensions to producing 'art' (you're kidding, right? I'm just learning now), I just want to be a good portrait painter for the moment. But I've never seen the point of doing anything unless you give it everything, and I'm aiming high. I'd say when I'm giving myself sevens I can start to think about going out and looking for commissions, but I'm nowhere near the standard I want to achieve yet. Still, diligent effort should be rewarded, so this one's a four.