There are times when things just seem to be stacked against you.
No matter what you do, no matter how you try to hold yourself up and keep going, life just keeps pushing you back down.
I’m sure everyone will find themselves in a time like this, at some point in their lives. I’m sure you already have.
How do we get through those times? What gives us the strength to keep going when all we really want to do is dive under the covers and hope it all goes away?
The answer is meaning.
The Hierarchy of Needs – and why it’s wrong
You might have come across Maslow’s hierarchy of needs before. It postulates that our most basic needs – food, shelter, survival – are the most important to us, and everything else comes secondary to those. It’s usually shown as a pyramid that looks like this:
But if that’s accurate, why do people regularly sacrifice themselves for others? Why did some people in Nazi concentration camps in the second world war save their fellow prisoners at the expense of their own lives?
That’s a question that Viktor Frankl answers in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, and the answer, of course, is because sacrificing themselves gave their lives meaning.
It’s meaning that is our most important drive. And it’s the very thing that is missing – if Frankl is to be believed – from contemporary western culture. Frankl calls the lack of meaning in life an existential vacuum. And it’s prevalent in western, particularly American, culture.
In fact, according to Frankl:
“A statistical survey revealed that among my European students, 25 per cent showed a more-or-less marked degree of existential vacuum. Among my American students it was not 25 but 60 per cent.”
This book was first published in 1946, I can only imagine that those figures are even less favourable now. Given the increasing homogenisation of western culture, I suspect that the difference between them has considerably narrowed, too.
I mentioned this book in passing in my last post, and now I’ve nearly come to the end of it, I’m sharing it again because I think it’s particularly relevant to us as artists.
Why we’re so lucky
We’re concerned with meaning every time we come to create something at the easel, every time we make a mark. The meaning may not be explicit, but images are a basic form of human communication. What we’re doing when we draw, when we paint, is communicating meaning.
And we also have a ready channel, one that most people don’t have, that we can use to explore what’s meaningful to us in our own lives. We have a process we can use – the generation of our work – to find meaning.
How lucky are we? We have an answer to the most imperative problem facing modern society – or at least a ready means to find it.
Finding meaning
What we need to understand, though, is that meaning is different for everybody.
There’s a great example in Frankl’s book about a patient of his who had lost his wife and couldn’t find a reason to carry on. In fact, when I was recently in hospital, the patient opposite me had exactly the same problem. He’d all but given up living.
Frankl helped his patent find meaning through the understanding that it would have been much worse for his wife if the patient himself had died first, and she had been left alone instead. By outliving his wife, this man had saved her the pain of living on alone. He’d found meaning for his suffering, and found it easier to bear.
So I can’t tell you what your meaning is, I can’t even help you find it. I can tell you what mine is, though, and there’s more than one for me.
Meaning is personal
First are my kids. Both our boys are adopted. Without us, they may very well have grown up in care, and had difficult lives. The knowledge that we’ve saved them from that, and that we’ve saved one of them from a life complicated by learning difficulties gives my life most of its meaning.
But I’ve also had an opportunity recently to find new meaning in some difficult circumstances. If you’ve been reading here for a while, you’ll know I’ve had some illness over the last few months.
Just recently, I learned from the specialists that my illness is progressive – i.e. it’s spreading – and the consultants at the hospital don’t know what’s causing it. They tell me that we’re in uncharted territory, they’ve never seen this before, so all they can do is try different therapies to see what works.
The hardest thing for me about this is that I want – I need – to be there for my boys as they grow. Nothing is more important to me. Having so much uncertainty in my future is difficult.
I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t times when I’m too weak to handle this well. Of course there are, I’m human. But I’ve also found some meaning in this.
Even if I can’t always be the Dad I’d like to be for my boys, I can set them an example. I can try to show them a way to approach difficulties with dignity and strength, to rise above and not to give up.
And funnily enough, it’s the very fact that I need to show them this that helps me rise above it. It’s knowing that I must try to be a good example for them that helps me to be that example, that helps me to get out of bed in the morning and go on with the day.
Meaning and art
I’m not entirely clear yet how this relates to my work. But I have a feeling about it.
The useful thing about the creation of art is that it allows us to explore. We don’t have to know the destination when we start. We can find our path as the steps appear beneath our feet.
Ideas about impermanence have started to appear in my work lately, sometimes explicitly and sometimes less so. I know that my recent experiences have left me with a much deeper appreciation of the fragility of life, and also of its beauty, and the importance of taking the time to notice and appreciate it.
I think we’re really lucky to have this vehicle, this process that we can use to explore where our own meaning might lie. The creation of art is a struggle, I don’t think anyone who reads here would disagree with that. As our research company has revealed, Levitra is good for any male sexual disorders that are amenable to medication. Moreover, these pills for potency are prescribed when other drugs are powerless. This efficiency is explained by the fact that Levitra is an inhibitor of the modern generation. Read more on .
But out of that struggle can come the meaning that sustains us through our lives, and particularly through difficult times. So really, we’re lucky to have this struggle available to us, and we should embrace it with open arms.
Gratitude
Through the last few months, gratitude has become very important in my life. I’ve had a couple of close shaves and I’m very grateful that I’m still here.
But I’m also grateful that I became ill. I know that sounds odd, but I’m not writing it for effect. I truly am grateful, because I’ve learned things that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. Because it’s given me opportunities that I wouldn’t otherwise have had; an opportunity to be a better example to my kids.
If you can find meaning in your difficulties, something that makes sense of them and gives you a reason to fight them, then the struggle becomes that much easier.
We all have to find our own meaning, there is no one single answer. And there may be multiple answers for you, or different answers at different times in your life.
Whatever difficulties you’re living through, I hope you can find the meaning that will help you overcome them. That’s a job you need to do for yourself.
I want to finish this post with poem by William Stafford, one of my favourites. I think it’s particularly relevant to us as artists. The thread he’s talking about, I think, is meaning and the search for it.
The Way it Is, William Stafford
There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.
Best wishes and thanks for reading,
Paul
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Thanks for your blog and honesty, Paul. Exactly what I needed to read today while working to find meaning again. Hoping they find out how to heal you.
You’re very welcome Lori, good to hear from you – I hope you find what you need.
I will, and I am. When my healthy, kind, funny, and strong husband became suddenly very sick and died, just as we were about to enjoy our empty nest, it did change everything. Your post has reminded me to remember how he lived right up to the very last minute, with humor, kindness and curiosity. He demanded of all of us to enjoy every part our lives. Praying for many years for you.
Thank you so much for sharing Paul. that in itself is an art form. Your need to be with your boys as an example is so noble and spiritual.. I am praying you go down this path with dignity and joy. Others have and you can too. Namaste and Blessings to you.
Thanks Donna – I think I’m going to need those prayers, they’re much appreciated 🙂
Paul,
I’m so sorry that you have a progressive disease. You have a sped up version of what we all have–aging and death. And I are fortunate to have your growing wisdom shared here. I’m going through some difficulties (minor compared to yours) but they have me at the edge of my abilities to gracefully endure. What you said about being grateful for the opportunity to set an example… finding meaning in that. It had not occurred to me. All I wanted to do was avoid it. But, now, asking myself what the thread is that I carry and carry on from my parents and carry on with, I know the answer, and I appreciate your reminder. Patience, compassion for all of us. Waiting to see what opens up in the situation without agonizing. Looking around and appreciating, drinking in the life I still have. Thank you Paul, thank you for taking the time to write to us. Your boys have been set on a different path because of you, and many others too. Count me as one of your boys, learning from you and appreciating you. With much gratitude, Kathryn
Thank you Kathryn, I don’t know what to say. Except perhaps that I’m very glad if what I’ve managed to pass on from Frankl’s writing here has helped you, too. It certainly helped me.
Paul, Your writing is so powerful. I appreciate how deeply you share your life’s difficult times with the world. Through your personal sorrows you’ve had the strength and selflessness to reach out to others and share your wisdom. I would be interested in buying one of your paintings. Could you add me to your auction site. Sincerely, Sandra
Thanks Sandra, I appreciate it.
Regarding the paintings, if you’re subscribed to the blog you’ll here about them anyway, since I always send them out as emails 🙂 I’ve been away from the easel for a little while but should be aback soon.
I’ll pray for you and your family. May you be here a long time and keep inspiring us all… as artist, and as human.
Thank you!
Our word ” profound” comes from the Latin meaning forth from the bottom, from the very depths. In our extremity, I think we understand more fully. I went to see the Grand Canyon once. Got there about noon in the bright sunlight and was a little disappointed– it was indeed huge, but that was about it. Came back later just before sunset, and it was spectacular! It was the shadows that gave meaning and depth to the view. Please accept my encouraging thoughts for you, and thank you for sharing your insights so painfully won.
What a beautiful image Martha! That’s poetry.
Best wishes for your health and recovery, Paul. My fingers crossed for a miracle (they do happen!)
Thanks Penny 🙂
Hi Paul,
I want to thank you form the bottom of my heart. This posting is excellent and I am sure you open a new future for many people thanks to your heart pouring out your challenges. I am forever thankful to,be in touch with a person like you. Inspiring and fearless to what life might bring on. Courageous facing these challenges while thinking of others and determined to continue your mission to benefit others, this is impressive Paul! Your wife and boys should be proud of the man, husband and father you have become, incredible honest, hard working and very special to all of us.
I just finish reading your post and I agree with everything you said. Life is precious and you are absolutely right, time does not wait and things happen quite often with no time to think about how to act. We all learn from our good and bad experiences, but I think we all,become wiser and hopefully we can be there for others to help them go through some tough times. I am sorry to hear about your illness, perhaps a second opinion may help, not sure. Whatever it is going on, I am proud of you! You are strong and I know you are doing the best you can.
Thank you for reminding us to be grateful, compassionate and open to help others. Time goes by so fast, so we need to reflect on each day and yes, be thankful for being alive and for everything we have to live for.
The poem is just perfect for the ocassion, and art is the thread that keeps us going forward for whatever reason, but art is there for everyone to see the beauty of life, the soul, nature and most valuable our deeper emotions to share with others and hopefully make a difference in life.
Paul, I strongly believe you are one special master, unselfish, caring who always has in mind other people’s benefit. Thank you again for this post and best wishes with everything. Crisalida
Thank you Crisalida, very touching.
That’s a very powerful read, Paul. I wish the best for you and your family. Thanks for taking the time to write. It’s incredibly generous of you to do so, but then again you have always been generous with your time and knowledge. Take care of yourself.
Jocelyn
I will take care Jocelyn, I promise! But, a bit of chocolate now and again is ok, right? 😉
It took a lot of thought, emotion, insight, and realization to put that together Paul. Have comfort that it does not fall on d af ears. Very inspirational and profound. You’re a kind spirit and I wish you all positive vibes on your journey.
Thank you Paul 🙂
Thank you Paul. This is timed so perfect for me. It’s amazing how we can all connect, share and feel across a network of communication yet never have the experience of meeting in person.
I truly hope you find the source of your health issues and you continue to move forward with your family as you like.
My own issues are preventing me from painting in oils right now but I will be back once the nerves heal and the pain is gone. Till then I will work in watercolor which I have missed.
I have also found a solvent free gel medium that works great…maybe the Maroge is not good for you.
Get well, rest often and enjoy your family. You are a special person and your teaching and sharing helps give meaning to others every day!
Thank you for sharing your heart and your situation. Praying God will give you good health and healing for your sake and for the sake of your family. With care in J from Las Cruces, New Mexico
Oh, Paul; I’m so sorry to hear that you are not well again. Your wisdom and your reflection on life is so powerful. I too am struggling. I am struggling with a child with an addiction. Things were going so well and now she has stumbled. I put myself through medication and counselling to help her. I’ve lost my oldest daughter because she thinks I am a fool. She has no children herself. She will never understand. My heart breaks that she cannot understand how I am suffering. My heart breaks that I may never hear from her again.
But I need to persevere and show my addicted daughter the meaning in life and what she is forsaking for this addiction. I truly believe she wants to find a meaning in life, but she is having a terrible struggle.
I don’t know if I have any more energy to continue with this. I may have to let her go. Do we need two lives destroyed? This has been going on since she was 12. She is now 42. I am getting old, and tired. I want to run away and maybe I need to find the meaning in life. Maybe it’s my turn.
I cry for you. You know the meaning in life and you have shared it with all of us. Your two children and your wife will love you forever and will knowhat you found your meaning in life.
Take good care Paul and try to be happy. It wille one thing that will get you through this. God bless you.
Dear Paul,
You have been so generous with your art process over the last few years. How can your supporters help you?….by purchasing educational material perhaps. …by reminding you how significant your blog has been ,
Prayers and God’s blessings on you in your battle with your illness.
Sylvia.
Thank you for sharing. I feel a great respect for you. How you and your sons both keep eachother strong: they stimulatie you each day to show them how to handle difficulties in life. What a great gift you give eachother. The circles in live. Respect Paul. You touched me with your post. I think about you.. send you strength, Yvonne
Thank you Paul. What a moving and profound blog. You are an amazing person and artist and I was so sad to hear of your continuing health problems. I wish you all the very best with your battles and know that you are an inspiration to me and I am sure a lot of other artists. You have many fans here in Australia.
I love your beautiful work and I am so sorry for your difficulties. Sending good thoughts and prayers for healing your way. May you and your family know favor, provision, love, and kindness like never before. May your test become your testimony! Love the blog and your wonderful writings as much as the paintings. Keep us posted!
Thank you, Paul, for sharing your struggles and your insights with us. I was deeply touched by your words today.
Thank you, Paul, for your wonderful post. I have read Frankl’s brilliant book. He was a man who had suffered very much. I can’t imagine surviving from the horrors of a concentration camp and remain a functioning person.
Suffering is certaintly a gift. As you said it makes us appreciate so much. Especially the joys we do have. Your family and your art I understand give you great joy. Which is as it should be. You’re a wonderful person.
I’m adding you to my daily prayer list. God bless you.
Thank you for sharing: well spoken, insightful and very meaningful to me on many levels. This is a post that I will be saving. Wishing you the very best healthwise. God has a plan for you.
Hi Paul, thank you once again for sharing the deeper things in your life with your students and followers. As you know, this comes at a particularly relevant time in my own life. During these times I have made the delightful discovery that when I am engaged in drawing or painting or even talking or texting about art and enter that timeless space we call the “zone”, I have no feelings or thoughts of pain or the future, I’m just there “learning to see”, sharing what I’m seeing or contemplating beauty. I don’t realize until afterwards what just occurred during that time. It’s a lovely gift. I’d like to share a poem with you given to me by a dear Scottish friend in 1984. Although often attributed to Corrie Ten Boom, who often quoted it and included it in her book called The Hiding Place, it’s Anonymous and much older:
My life is but a weaving, between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Ofttimes he weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent, and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas, and explain the reasons why
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful weaver’s hand
As threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.
God bless you, and I will keep you in my prayers,
Dianne
Dear Paul, I just read this and I totally understand! You know some of my battle since I got cancer. I went through that phase of meaning. I haven’t been able to paint since having gallbladder removed. That increased my feelings of no meaning, since I don’t know who I am without my painting! As you know, Casey Baugh is my nephew! He paid for me to come to his Christmas Art Show in NYC due to my illness! I was watching him live the life I had dreamed of all my life. I wondered what had I been driven so hard for. Then, My Beautiful Nephew came and hugged me, and I told him he had made it! He leaned down and spoke in my ear, “None of it would have happened without you!” Two things I want to share with You, My Special Friend….without the Selfless teachings and sharing You have done with countless people like me, so mAny of us would have given up a long time ago! I would not have had the knowledge to teach my nephew enough to get him to give up a scholarship to pitch baseball for well known college. To become a World Renowned Painter! The knowledge you so freely gave us helped us to know why we chased art our whole lives! Second, you have everything inside that huge heart you need to beat the illness attacking You! You just let go of the fear and guilt that you deserve it for some reason! God still has a purpose for you and Your beautiful wife! Stop fighting so hard and realize what a Huge difference you make in all our lives and let God deal with that little disease trying to sideline You! I would never have had my life’s dream of attending real life NYC ART Show if not for you! I am one of hundreds that you have influenced! I have been told I am losing my memory, but I intend to start your classes from the beginning to start painting again! You, My Friend, Have made a Huge difference in my Life! Oh Yes, Casey’s Sister was on Cover of Two Art magazines last week! She also was started out with lessons I learned from Paul Foxton!! Relax and let Your Body fight this illness! God takes care of Special People like You and Your Wife! You Friend Forever!
Paul there is a reason I have come to know you. So many parts of your message were familiar to me. For instance I’ve always loved Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Victor Frankel is in my audible collection which I often listen to just for the fun of it over now over in the bath, I have spent the past four years in a struggle with a rare disease called Tarlov cysts, and I’ve recently been diagnosed with adult onset of asthma, something that they’re beginning to feel might be reactive to some of the chemicals I’ve worked with in art. But this isn’t about me. I just mention those things because tears came to my eyes when I read everything – done much of what you’ve said hit so close to home – and then last night I watched a movie called collateral beauty, and if you haven’t watched it I highly suggest you put it on the top of your list – it’s about life and about loss – and then about life again. It is so true. All life is is the minute we’re in right now and the more we can do it with meaning the better we can feel when it’s time for us to leave and close the door. Art gives me so much joy and it helps me express my journey, but I have found that what is most important is right in my back door. My husband. We are each other’s meaning. And realizing how important your role is for your sons is so wonderful. What a beautiful meeting it is . I’m so sorry to hear about your condition being progressive. If you can share any information about what it is I would welcome information about it. I have so much Empathy being one who is also suffering from a disease that will probably continue for the rest of my life . So now it’s in front of us is the most important thing : to live with meaning!
I am so sorry to hear of your illness, and am so very sorry you have to go through this.
I am sending you healing thoughts. This blog means a lot to me, and you have helped me tremendously, with all the little tips that aren’t necessarily taught in school. And seeing your work is so inspiring.
You will remain in my thoughts. Best wishes to you and your family.
Paul, I have just read your letter and the subsequent comments. Wow!! You must be so moved! Certainly one of your threads is your ability to communicate with the written word in such a profound way and impact other’s lives.
I recently retired from a career caring for patients with chronic, progressive illnesses. It is so apparent when one of those patients has found their “meaning”. I have marveled at their ability to embrace their life as it is and truly live each day as it comes. These people have taught me so much. You are teaching in so many ways.
Thank you for your honesty and sincerity,
Linda
Have you considered the role of nutrition in slowing down/reversing illness? Nutritionfacts.com has some fascinating information on the role of various foods and healing disease. Also Dr Fuhrman’s site, Eat to live, has some amazing and encouraging stories of how exemplary nutrition can help.
Wishing you recovered health, and a long, happy and productive future.
Paul, I’d like to reiterate what Kate said regarding nutrition. It can only benefit you. Good luck in your search for health and many thanks for all you have done so far.
Thanks once again Paul for a inspirational read. I admire your honesty and am very grateful for the time and effort you have put into your posts and videos. My own painting confidence and technique has been improved immeasurably thanks to you. Mind yourself.
Michael
This post has a lot of meaning for me and I thank you for sharing. My husband has a chronic illness that affects just about every aspect of our lives, especially greatly limiting what we can do together as a family with three young children. Not only do we struggle to be the good parents we hope to be, but we are both self-employed in the arts. He is a musician and band director; I am an artist who barely has the time or energy to paint – the chronic fatigue that accompanies my husband’s Crohn’s disease is no joke, and people rarely understand. Your blog has become one I look forward to reading, and your lessons are always excellent. Best wishes and prayers for your health!
Hello Paul,
I have followed your blog for a year or so and have found it to be so inspiring and also helpful in a very practical way. I am studying painting by myself every hour that I can and your posts have been a wonderful and very generous source of information and help. So a very big thank you.
After reading your most recent post I wanted to let you know about a naturopathic doctor, Dr Robert Morse a bio-chemist and naturopath who I think is an extremely kind and compassionate man. I don’t know what your views are on natural medicine, but I believe there are many paths to health. I have been a clinical homeopath for 30 years and have worked with many fine people, doing wonderful work. I consider Dr Morse to be one of the finest.
You can find him by typing his name into Google, he gives hours and hours of free advice, information and help. A bit like yourself.
You may not wish to do this, but I have seen the beneficial results of his treatment on a number of people who had nowhere to go and could not be helped by orthodox medicine so I just wanted to let you know about him.
Thank you again for all of your generous help and I wish you and your family all the best for the future.
Elaine
Thank you Paul for your post it is very inspiring. I’m sorry that you’re not well and hope you. Get better. You should consider seeing a naturopath and I would suggest that you try Qgong especially the standing postures but art is a form of therapy so keep going. Looking forward to your next post. Conor
Dear Paul,
As always, thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and life with us. It helps me to metaphorically hold you together in my experience of you. I think you are one of the most sharing and caring teachers I have experienced…also well focused on your life and the meaning of it.
I hope you will consider that you touch all of us as you become one of our teachers in life and art…and that perhaps adds to another realm of meaning in your own life.
Dear Paul,
I am so sorry to read through your post–what a difficult time for you! I understand the anguish you feel as a father, facing the possibility of not being there for his children, and I do wish for the best for you. As you have read through all the outpouring of love for you in the responses to your post, I hope you have felt some comfort. Your boys will be the better for having you in their lives, for however long that may be, and they will survive whatever is given to them to survive. It does make one a better person, knowing your children are always watching, always modeling, the behavior they see in their parents.
Regarding the art & meaning part of your post, I agree that as artists we are so fortunate to have our work to provide meaning for us. I’ve always had that at my core, even though the “selling” part has never come easily. My husband retired relatively recently, and although he is a writer, I think that essential struggle to find meaning after work is difficult for him–as it is for many people who don’t have art, or some other belief, at their center. We artists need to be grateful for the gift we have been given, even as we struggle with its expression.
My very best wishes to your and your family as you go through this difficult time, and thank you for your work and your teaching, and for your honesty and courage in posting. Miracles happen every day, and I hope for a miracle for you!
Dear Paul,
I appreciate your blogging very much, particularly your honesty and generosity – I really look forward to your Friday emails; they lift my spirits! Praying that God will heal you and restore you to full health. Suzanne
Dear Lord, please show Paul who you are and what you did for us at the Cross. You paid the debt for our sin and freed us from the penalty of it, offering us eternal life with you. You bring life and healing to those who want your free gift of grace. You require only surrender…. to be open to knowing truth as we ask Jesus to save us. In that place, you live within us and it is then we believe. We come by faith and then you show us your reality. You are the healer. On this planet, you healed thousands and still heal all over the world daily. Restore Paul’s body to complete wholeness according to your original design. Plant in him peace and hope that does not disappoint. Even our dating system reflects your presence. There is more factual evidence that you rose from the dead then evidence for Abraham Lincoln’s existence. Wow. So why do we overlook you? You are not a religion made by man, though man has tried to do so. You are a relationship that becomes supernatural. Help Paul to surrender. Show him your love. In the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen…….. Paul, I love your posts. I am a new OPA painter and thrilled to glean from you as I grow in my painting ability. Humbled by your natural talent and intellect.. Just an add on. The Lord has healed two of my children of heart issues and lyme disease and accounts have been recorded at Loma Linda Hospital and Children”s in San Diego
Paul, I’ve held off replying for a few days because I can’t seem to find the words to express how very sorry I am that the disease is progressing and I sincerely hope your doctors have it all wrong. It seems so bitterly unfair. You are treasured so much – Hang in there my friend.
Paul, it’s clear from reading the messages here that there are people around the world whose lives you’ve touched meaningfully. Sending you love and healing thoughts, wishing you strength and fortitude on the long and challenging road you’re on, with your family and friends alongside you. Caroline x
gracias, por escribirme, sus experiencias me sirven en mi trabajo ,soy una aprendiz de arte. Siento mucho lo de su enfermedad, espero lo supere y tenerlo orientándome siempre. Bendiciones.
María