A while ago someone said to me that they thought that a lot of my work was about balance. I thought it was an interesting comment, and an insightful one too. I do think that balanceis very important in painting and drawing in a number of ways. The balance of the values is perhaps oneof the most important, in fact its been something of an obsession of mine for some time now. Composition isan obvious one. Even if the composition is deliberately unbalanced, it’s still about balance.
There are more general ways that the concept of balance is relevant too. Finding a balance between reproducingexactly what we see and the needs of the picture, for example, or the balance between technique and feeling. Buttoday I’m thinking about balance from an entirely different point of view, because this past week I lostmine.
I don’t mean I fell over in the street, or even at the ice rink (although I did actually, and it hurt). Butsomewhere around the middle of last week I reached a state of what I can only call exhaustion.
The week startedout well enough with a good early start on Monday. I didn’t get any drawing done in the morning session but I wasn’ttoo concerend since I still had the rest of the week. On Tuesdays Michelle and I now have an ice skating lessonat 6:30AM, which means getting up at 4:30 to catch the half five train. So far so good. Wednesday I was up earlyagain and did a little drawing in the morning and the usual session on the train on the way to work.Wednesday nights we had our usual ice skating session after work, and that’s when the trouble started.
Rushing straight off tothe ice rink after work without eating was the first mistake. Realising I was getting dehydrated whilst skating and not doinganything about it was the second. Not eating when I got home (due to being too tired) was the fourth, and the fifthwas still getting up a 5AM on Thursday and trying to do some drawing before work. By the time I got to work on Thursdaymorning, I’d already had it. Somehow I forced my way through the day and then still got up early on Friday to(unsuccessfully) try and catchup on the morning drawing sessions I’d missed. Bad move. By Friday night I had taken on a zombie-like demeanour andwas incapable of any conversation apart from irritable grunts.
I’ve always had a slight tendency towards obsessiveness, as do most of the painters I know. I’ve always thought ofit as a good thing, but I wonder of it can be our undoing sometimes too. Sometimes I don’t know when to stop. At the beginning ofthis month when I posted about my return to work, there were a few comments which veryhelpfully advised me to know my limits, and accept that I was going to have to progress more slowly. Those comments seem quiteprophetic looking back at them now and I really should have listened more. They were right. The upshot is that I’vebeen too tired to do anything this weekend despite sleeping like I was in training for the sleeping Olympics. By trying toforce myself to keep working I’ve actually lost time.
There’s obviously a lesson I need to learn here about balancing my job with drawing practice. Of course, I could give up ice skatingbut I’m not going to because that’s about balance too. It’s the only thing that Michelle and I do together, and she’s more importantto me than either my job or painting. And if I didn’t get at least some exercise I’d be spending my entire life eithersitting in front of a computer or an easel. Not a very balanced life.
So what’s the answer? Well, for this next week I’m going to ease right off and just do a bit of drawing on the commute, at leastuntil I start to come round again. Then I’ll up my practice time again slowly and see how it goes. And I’m going to make sure Ieat better and have more nutritious lunches. Boiled eggs, nuts and fruit are on the menu for this week.
But I can’t pretend I’m not frustrated about it. After almost a year of painting and drawing almost full time it’s proving to bea lot harder to adjust than I thought it would be. It’s not the 9-5, I’ve surprised myself by adjusting to that very quickly. Afterall, I was already working more hours at the easel than I am at my desk now. And I like my job. What’s getting to me is how little drawing andpainting I’m doing. It scares me because at some point in the distant future I want to return to painting full time, and thisweek, for instance, I only managed just over five hours drawing.
I’m sure that some of you reading this are well acquainted with this frustration, those of you that have jobs and familiesand are still trying to paint. If it’s any comfort, I now feel your pain, and anyone who manages to keep their dreams goingin the midst of other commitments and demands on their time has my eternal respect and admiration.
As you might have guessed, there’s not much to post this week; just another Sargent copy. I was planningto do the usual and finish this one off sight size before I posted, but perhaps this way it’s more honest. This is the sum totalof what I managed to get done this week, unfinished, mistakes and all. But it’s better than nothing, and at least if I manage to getsomething done I’m still moving forwards, however slowly. And the dream is still alive.
Posted 22nd March 2009
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It is amazing how very UNbalanced our lives can be when we take on more than we can chew! I sometimes feel overwhelmed, not just by the volume of tasks that I must handle, but also by those that I cannot get to. And for some strange reason, though I am supposed to be a full-time artist, my painting and drawing always happen last!
Good luck, Paul. Right now, your Michelle and your job have to take priority; I’m confident that you will work it out.
And your drawing is lovely, even in its unfinished state.
Hi Paul:
I feel you…
Practising several art forms (all classical) and working i have evolved interesting ways of balance. Heres something that works for me:
If you walk too much then walking is painful and you want to sit. If you sit too much then sitting is painful, walking is pleasant. There is a threshold beyond which an activity becomes counter productive and painful.
When doing several things interlace them and they will each provide rest from the other.
For example right now i am doing Bargue and a computer assignment. I will do Bargue. When i get tired and my back hurts or i lose concentration i come over to the computer and do my work. When a touch of boredom or fatigue sets in i go back to Bargue. and so on for other activities.
I have constructed portable easels that allow me to work on my bed or desk other than the standing easel only.
Theres a lot to be said for balance. Its an art in itself. We have to master the art of learning if we are to master any classical art…
>not just by the volume of tasks that I must handle, but also by those that I cannot get to.
I know what you mean Pat. It’s the things I don’t get to that wind me up the most. Thanks for the encouragement.
Hi Arjuna,
>When doing several things interlace them and they will each provide rest from the other.
That sounds like good advice to me. I used to do that a lot when I was working freelance and it does work. I’m not sure my boss would be too impressed if I told him I’d had enough for today and was off to do some painting though 🙂
I Wonder if there can sometimes be some value in pushing yourself through that threshold too though. I used to do that with Bargue drawing a lot, and would find that I seemed to stretch myself the most in the last ten per cent of effort that I had to make myself do. I’m just supplying the balancing view 🙂
Still, there’s obviously a point at which enough is enough. One of the things I’ve always found strange about the 9-5 is the requirement to be at your desk even when you’re past the point of being productive. No doubt that holds true for painting and drawing as well.
I hear your dilemma–I am glad to hear you like the job, anyway, and it sounds like you’re doing a lot to try to resolve things. Wish there were something I could do to help. Judy
Dear Paul, I haven’t post for a while now but I’m still reading your blog and admiring your drawings and writings. Your last post about balance have had a powerful resonance on me…May I share with you where I am at.(and would you please be indulgent with my english…)So…what? What is the most important thing in my life? What would I do if I have to choose genuinely between my art and my husband? Between having a cigarette on my own and a meal with non-smokers friends? Between going to bed and painting all night?(knowing that I’m not going to be able to work properly or be an “efficient mother” the morning after). Is anything in life lead me straight from an addiction to one an other (painting is an obsession to me hehe! as well as…hum…everything I do?…for myself?) Having a lot to do make me feel better with myself, like: less empty, more self important, like then: the world owes me some precious free time on my own, just for me,me,me…(time that I spend mostly feeling guilty anyway, a big sign of honesty tho!hehe)
I have found that the more I divide and organize my life to be able to do all the things I have or want to do, the more I’m intended to not do them at all, or..doing them dreadfully and in a meaningless way…Baaad! My opinion is that we are the same in everything we do….I’m 55 now and looking back over my life I have not very much to be proud of. And first of all, what example am I leaving to my children? What is going to happen if I varnished over their own still life in the same way I did with mine, building up layers after layers with no drying time and no idea about structure or balance? After all they’re going to be the real work of art I’m leaving behind! And everyone knows what is the future of a painting as maltreated as this! Unfortunatly I’am one of those crackeling and turning dark paintings, fortunatly I think it’s not too late to do something about it! After a “good” year selling my paintings in France, England and USA (yay!), I’ve found that painting for selling (as living without sharing) was stressful and so painful! (of course I would like to make money for a living aswell! Dilemma!)
So I’ve taken the decision to stop the obsession of a successful career for a while and let the real desire for painting (and living) come back when it needs to. I’m in London for 2 months working with Chris my husband on redecorating a house in Chelsea and have decided not to bring my painting stuff or even my guitar with me…except pencils and paper…(I know by experience that I’m not gonna loose my skills, they’re even gonna improve!)So, I’m just concentrating on “real” work, then have a walk in Hyde Park or by the river, happy to share every little moments of the day with Chris and being grateful for the opportunity to be in this beautiful town while springtime is coming and …”learning to see”… Life…
Have a nice day!
I\’ve learned the need to discipline myself not to keep working past the point at which it becomes counter productive. Sometimes it can be hard to make yourslf stop, but I think its important to know yourself and when you should stop as opposed to when you should push on. I always draw a parallel here with excercise. A few yoga movements done well are worth fifty energetic sit-ups. Its more about the quality of your concentration than the amount of time you put in I think. There are many ways you can work on your art – I find that thinking and visualising are incredibly powerful tools in themselves and don\’t take up too much energy. Even if you are just getting on with your life you are building up inspiration and ideas even while you are not thinking about it. Also I think you can trust your brain to be working away at technical problems while your attention and effort is focused somewhere else. If you are forced to take a break it can be frustrating, but I never find it puts me back as much as I fear it will.
Well, I must say I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one struggling with this! One of the things I like most about running this little site is realising again and again how much we all seem to be dealing with the same problems.
>Wish there were something I could do to help.
You already are Judy, just by making the time to pop in and comment sometimes. I hope it goes both ways.
Elaine, great to hear from you again. And thanks for such an in depth comment.
>I have found that the more I divide and organize my life to be able to do all the things I have or want to do, the more I’m intended to not do them at all, or..doing them dreadfully and in a meaningless way…Baaad!
Heh, I know exactly what you mean. I think there’s a lot of wisdom in there and you’re right that its better to do less but to do each thing well than to overstretch and…snap.
>After all they’re going to be the real work of art I’m leaving behind!
Well said!
>Unfortunately I’ m one of those crackling and turning dark paintings
Hehe, me too.
>fortunately I think it’s not too late to do something about it!
I absolutely agree. As long as we have any time left to us it’s not too late, I firmly believe that. To me, drawing and painting is not so much about reaching a particular level of competence. It’s enough simply to be doing it, learning and developing. I don’t think there ever comes a point when we can say we’ve ‘arrived’. I don’t think the journey really ends until we finally pop our clogs, and that’s kind of the point. There’s always something new to learn, both about painting itself and about ourselves.
>After a “good” year selling my paintings in France, England and USA
Great news! Congratulations!
>So I’ve taken the decision to stop the obsession of a successful career for a while and let the real desire for painting (and living) come back when it needs to.
A little while back that might not have made any sense to me but I think I know what you mean.
>I’m in London for 2 months
Cool! Do you fancy meeting up and going to the Van Dyck exhibition at the Tate? Drop me an email. Anyone else in London fancy it?
Hi Rosemary.
>I’ve learned the need to discipline myself not to keep working past the point at which it becomes counter productive.
Yeah, who would have thought that takes discipline too? I always thought discipline was just about forcing yourself to keep going, but apparently I was wrong 🙂
>A few yoga movements done well are worth fifty energetic sit-ups.
Very good point. Quality not quantity.
>If you are forced to take a break it can be frustrating, but I never find it puts me back as much as I fear it will.
I hope you’re right. I think you are. Michelle always tells me that I’m a terrible patient. I’ve broken bones a few times in motorbike accidents and I’ve always tried to get up and about again before I’m really ready to, mostly out of frustration. It drives her up the wall. And it’s always drawn out the recovery process in the end and set me back.
Today I did no drawing at all and got up at a normal time. And I’m quite proud of it. How strange.
Thanks for all you have done and documented for novice artists. Whatever you do, don’t force it and burn out (either on the art side or a different aspect).
Eric
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http://annoiatoregazzoneoclassico.blogspot.com/
Hello Paul, I’ve really enjoyed everyone’s comments. I’ve spent the last three years driving hundreds of miles trying to help my husband and daughter fight for their lives from cancer. My painting is a very valuable escape, but I am experiencing burnout at a time when things seem to be pulling me more and more towards my painting. I’m really glad to hear that you are spending more time with Michelle, because I’ve found that spouses don’t understand the obsession artists have with their art. Life comes at us with a vengeance, sometimes. Our partners are sometimes our inspiration and we need to appreciate them being willing to tolerate our passion for the pursuit of art. Your talent is tremendous and a little relaxation will not diminish it. Have fun and treasure every moment you can with your wife.
Hi Helen, sorry for the late reply.
I’ve very much enjoyed everyone’s comments too. I hope everyone that comments here realises that they’re a source of inspiration to me. Our chats keep me in touch with the world of painting even when I’m not doing any.
I know you’ve been looking after your husband and daughter for some time now. It must be hard for you in ways I can’t begin to imagine, I think they’re lucky to have someone like you in their lives. Please send them my best wishes.
For myself, I’m very, very lucky to have a partner who gives me complete and unequivocal support in everything I do. She keeps me going, picks me up when I’m down and tells me off when I start whining and feeling sorry for myself. A supportive spouse is the best thing a budding painter can have.
Sorry I didn’t get a post up last weekend. I’ll have a new one up on Sunday, more like my usual step-by-step posts, of a flower painting this time. Energy is beginning to return and in fact taking a week or so off has been a good thing. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to where my work is going to go next and a direction is starting to become apparent. More on that in the next post. Perhaps sometimes a forced break is no bad thing.
Hope things are well with you. I’ve started getting my hair back and doing a little bit of drawing. Be Blessed for the holidays……..Helen
Hi Helen, nice to hear from you. That’s great that you’re getting back to some drawing, it has to be a positive thing. Me too just lately. I hope you’re enjoying it and hope your recovery goes well.