Learning to See

Inspiration and practical advice for aspiring realist artists

  • Home
  • Workshops
  • The Keys to Colour
  • My Work
  • About
  • Contact me
  • Subscribe

Gratitude – What Almost Dying Taught Me About How To Live

April 13, 2016 By: Paul111 Comments

big-gratitude

A few weeks ago, I began to feel some pain in my abdomen and lower back. Being busy, and not wanting to interrupt my life and my work, I ignored it, thinking it might go away.

Just in case you’re wondering, that’s never a good plan. It didn’t.

After a few weeks, it got too much to ignore. One evening the pain became intense. My wife phoned for an ambulance to take me to accident and emergency. They refused to send one, since it didn’t sound like an emergency to them.

After a few hours of pain so extreme I couldn’t speak, my wife gave up arguing with them and called me a cab. Our two small children were still asleep, so I went to hospital in the cab on my own.

Barely able to stand, I was admitted to hospital. After a few days, a lot of poking about and some more time riding pain like I’ve never known, I was discharged with a new piece of plastic in my insides and a diagnosis of retroperitoneal fibrosis. I’ve never heard of it, either. Apparently it’s quite rare. Thankfully mine isn’t malignant. The result for me was my kidneys being on the verge of packing up completely, resulting in a blood potassium level that was taking me on a quick road to a heart attack.

After I was discharged, I was referred to specialists for more treatment. But due to what I assume was an administrative error, the referral wasn’t followed up. It was another four weeks of pain and battling the Nation Health Service bureaucracy before I took matters into my own hands and booked myself into accident and emergency again. That was four days ago.

Luckily, I’m now in the only hospital in the UK that has a specialist department with consultants who are experts in my disease. All the same, the last four days have been a tunnel of pain, fear and uncertainty.

Today I turned a corner.

For time first time in weeks, I’m almost free of pain. I can sit up and I’ve eaten a proper breakfast on my own. Fresh air is coming in through the open window, carrying with it the muted sounds of the city in the morning; the constant murmur of traffic, the voices of people, muffled by distance, going about their busy, daily lives.

As I sit here today, writing this, my overwhelming feeling is one of the deepest gratitude.

I’m grateful that I’m through the pain, at least for now.

I’m grateful for the morning sunshine, for the beautiful weather and for the fresh air.

I’m incredibly grateful for the people, my family and the nurses and doctors, who have helped me through the last few weeks.

I’m grateful that I’ll be seeing my boys again soon, that soon they’ll have their old Dad back.

As uncomfortable as they are, I’m grateful for the tubes coming out of my body from places I didn’t have openings before, draining off the toxins from my kidneys.

And I’m grateful for very small things. For the cup of tea the nurse just gave me. For the dry, cold, rubbery toast I had for breakfast. It was glorious. For the clementine I peeled myself. For the moment when I noticed the clementine before I ate it, and was so struck by it that I took a little time – a minute, maybe ten, I don’t know – just to look at it and really notice it. And to feel grateful.

That small pause for gratitude is important. It’s a small thing to do. It takes very little time. But it’s special.

Wherever you are today, and whatever you’re doing, I hope you can find something in your day to be grateful for.

It may not strike you immediately. You may have to look for it. But when you find it, just take a moment, a little time, to really notice it and feel grateful. It’s not as easy as it sounds. But don’t worry, your busy life will still be there to go back to when you’re done.

A gift

My little moment with my clementine this morning made such an impression on me that I decided to take the time to draw it. I know no better way to slow down enough to notice something fully, no better way to be grateful.

And since today feels like a new day, I’m starting a new drawing practice: every now and again, a simple drawing, with a simple word or two, something to carry with me (and to carry me) through the day. I call them my gifts of gratitude. It’s my way to take time out and breathe, and to remind myself to notice and to be grateful.

Not to rush. Not to miss the important things.

new-beginnings

Each drawing, each word, represents a way for me to find my way into the present moment.

Present, of course, also means a gift – as each moment taken to notice something fully is a gift, to be held and treasured.

Join me?

Hook up with me on facebook and I’ll share my gifts of gratitude with you.

 

And please share your own gifts. The world needs them – and so do I.

About Paul

I'm a (mostly) self-taught artist. I paint realism in oils, mostly still life. I share my work, my evolving process and what knowledge I've gained on my own learning journey here, in the hope that it might help you along on
yours.

Comments

  1. 1

    Jenny says

    April 13, 2016 at 12:29 pm

    Terrific post Paul. So glad you’re feeling better. I will share this with my art therapy patients. Your appreciation of the simple joys and beauty of life is something we should all try to stay in touch with. By the way, I’m also a nurse so can appreciate how much determination ( and desperation!) it takes to fight your way through a broken system in order to get the help you need. Keep fighting! And keep drawing and writing too!

    Reply
    • 2

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:46 am

      Thanks Jenny, and especially thanks for sharing with your patients. I hope they find it useful. And I will keep going, I promise 🙂

      Reply
  2. 3

    Amanda says

    April 13, 2016 at 12:32 pm

    Look after yourself! Draw when you feel like it by all means, but now isn’t a good time to be setting goals to draw every day… It’s time to relax and get well.

    Reply
    • 4

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:49 am

      Thanks Amanda. I hear you! But it’s not so much a goal as a reminder – a way of taking time out rather than adding yet another task – I certainly do enough of that at it is!

      Reply
  3. 5

    Chyanne says

    April 13, 2016 at 12:37 pm

    So happy that you’ve recovered! Praise God.

    Reply
    • 6

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:50 am

      Thanks very much Chyanne. Still some way to go, but I’m getting there.

      Reply
  4. 7

    Breda Lindsay says

    April 13, 2016 at 12:58 pm

    Wishing you a speedy recovery to full health and energy. Thank you for the inspiration you give. For now focus fully on your own healing – for such amazing creatures as we are – we are so very fragile. Slainte – good health.

    Reply
    • 8

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:51 am

      Thanks Breda – you’re right, and that fragility has just been underlined to me i the most powerful way possible! Best wishes to you too.

      Reply
  5. 9

    Ruth says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:04 pm

    My prayers are with you and your family. Blessings.

    Reply
    • 10

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:52 am

      Thank you Ruth, that’s very much appreciated.

      Reply
  6. 11

    Debora missoorten says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    Hi Paul, Sorry to hear about your illness , I really hope you’re feeling better and better now that you have turned your ‘corner’ it certainly will and I am looking forward to your drawings , one at the time . Keep the faith !
    Kind regards

    Reply
    • 12

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:53 am

      Second day at home today and definitely feeling much better! Thanks Debora.

      Reply
  7. 13

    ILse says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    What a beautiful reminder to be grateful and to be mindful. I hope you get well soon. Best wishes and thank you

    Reply
    • 14

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:53 am

      Thank you ILse! Very best wishes to you too.

      Reply
  8. 15

    Ernesto says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    Paul, I am glad that you are in good hands to help you recovering well. Thank you for this meaningful text. Its good to remind oneself of the things that make life such a precious. I look forward to your next blog entry and certainly to your future webinars. Best wishes from Hamburg!

    Reply
    • 16

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:55 am

      Thanks Ernesto. The next blog may be a little while coming, but it will come, I promise 🙂 Webinars will be back too, though they may take a little longer.

      Reply
  9. 17

    Glyn says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    Very nice post Paul. So sorry to hear of your recent bout of illness and so glad to hear you a starting to feel much better. I love the little drawing of the clementine. Isn’t that all that’s needed, a simple contour drawing can be created in a few minutes; so a few minutes each day is all we need to start a daily drawing habit. Keep it up old chap you are an inspiration to us all.

    Reply
    • 18

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:57 am

      Thanks Glyn, I’m glad you liked it. That really is all that’s needed, a few minutes every day. I’m finding that those few minutes of gratitude are having an effect out of all proportion to the time spent. It was almost worth the illness to discover how much. Actually, it was worth the illness.

      Reply
  10. 19

    Sue says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    Sorry to hear of your suffering Paul.
    Hope your recovery is speedy now without recurrence!
    Look after yourself.

    Reply
    • 20

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:58 am

      Thanks Sue. All good so far 🙂

      Reply
  11. 21

    Birgitte says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    Paul, how awful! So glad you are in recovery. Hope you will be well soon!

    Reply
    • 22

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:58 am

      Thanks Birgitte, and nice to hear from you again. I’m feeling better by the day.

      Reply
  12. 23

    Iryna says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:39 pm

    I wish you’re feeling better very soon! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience with us.

    Reply
    • 24

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 8:59 am

      You’re very welcome Iryna, and thank you for taking the time to write.

      Reply
  13. 25

    Donna says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    Bless you for your gracious and wonderful posting. I’m so sorry you’ve been in such pain. May the specialists fix you up very well!
    I understand the need to show gratitude and it’s blessings, but your taking the time at this moment is particularly touching and lovely. Thank you.

    Reply
    • 26

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:01 am

      They did fix me up, once they got moving. It took them a little while to get there though! It wasn’t until I was being discharged and one of the nurses told me that I could have gone at any time that I realised how serious it really was.

      That just underlined for me how important gratitude is. You never know if you’re going to have time to be grateful later.

      Reply
  14. 27

    CaroLe says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:46 pm

    Hi Paul ,
    Thank you for your note I hope you are feeling better . Going in today to look at a hole in my heart that I didn’t know I had him to see what they can do about it
    I enjoyed reading your note and I have enjoyed yours webinars . I haven’t went to draw yet and my mother was an art teacher . I always wanted to be an artist but now at 71 I doubt that will ever happen but I do enjoy webinars thank you get well

    Reply
    • 28

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:04 am

      Hi CaroLe,

      I really hope that’s not too serious and they can help you.

      71 is not too late to start. I’d like to recommend a book for you: “Softwired” by Michael Merzenech.

      There’s every likelihood that if you were to take up regular art practice now, it would extend your life and keep you mentally sharp much longer. It does that for all of us, as learning any new skill does, at any time of our lives. Please don’t ever feel that it’s to late – it isn’t.

      Reply
  15. 29

    Vickie says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    Hope you are on a permanent mend. I look forward to your encouragement and special art treats. Thank you for all your help to all of us. Good luck with the UK system.

    Reply
    • 30

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:05 am

      Thanks Vickie, it’s certainly looking good so far. Once the UK system is working, it works great, I find you have to just keep prodding it regularly to make sure it knows you’re there!

      Reply
  16. 31

    Heather says

    April 13, 2016 at 1:53 pm

    Drawing every day may be just the thing to help you along in your recovery! Wishing you well, and glad to hear you’ll soon be home with family.

    Reply
    • 32

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:06 am

      I do hope so Heather, it certainly does seem to be helping so far. Thanks very much for the kind wishes.

      Reply
  17. 33

    Ron says

    April 13, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    Get better! I need you.

    Reply
    • 34

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:07 am

      Haha! I am Ron, and I’ll be back soon – hang in there 🙂

      Reply
  18. 35

    LIz says

    April 13, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Paul, and the return home to your wife and sons. Drawing when you are able seems a good therapy back to health. Take it very easy in the coming weeks and months and focus on your health as you do with your drawing.

    Reply
    • 36

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:07 am

      Thanks Liz, I’m back home with the family now, and I must say that it’s truly wonderful to be here.

      Reply
  19. 37

    Fasika says

    April 13, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    I am very sorry to read about what you’ve gone through, how you couldn’t even get an ambulance to take you to a hospital when you were very sick. I admire how you advocated for yourself in a flawed healthcare system and in the end for being so positive about your experience and recovery.. I am very glad that you are feeling better. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and wishing you continued success!

    Reply
    • 38

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:09 am

      Thanks Fasika. True, it wasn’t a pleasant experience but as you say, good has come from it.

      Reply
  20. 39

    ANNELI TAUB says

    April 13, 2016 at 2:27 pm

    dear paul,
    i wish you a speedy recovery,all the best for you–
    wish i could send you some california sunshine-nevertheless —-
    healing energie ,
    thanks for your work,
    anneli

    Reply
    • 40

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:10 am

      Thank you Anneli! We do have a little sunshine here in the UK today, I suspect it’s not quite as warm as California, but pleasant nonetheless 🙂

      Reply
  21. 41

    Na says

    April 13, 2016 at 2:28 pm

    Wishing you continued improved health and a happy reunion with family.

    Your message was well received and needed.

    Thank you!

    Na

    Reply
    • 42

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:11 am

      Thanks Na, we had a very happy reunion around a huge, home-made chicken pie 🙂

      And you’re very welcome.

      Reply
  22. 43

    Steve says

    April 13, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    Wow! Timing! I was going to email later today as I thought you were unusually ‘quiet’ and CT hadn’t had an updated challenge for a while (though you’ll be glad to hear your stalwarts are still challenging themselves)

    Wishing you a speedy recovery back to full health. It’s a shame of life that it often takes for us to have a bit of a kicking to appreciate the ‘normal’ things we should be grateful for anyway.

    A daily simple drawing sounds like a great plan – though emphasis on the simple and zero pressure to comply. It’s a plan not a contract ;o)

    Reply
    • 44

      Paul says

      April 17, 2016 at 9:14 am

      Great to hear from you Steve! I’ll be back to CT very soon, I’ve been thinking of you all and missing the group.

      Yes, this one isn’t so much a practice plan, not a goal I’m setting myself, more a way to step back and breathe for a minute. Today I was considering having just a word and no drawing. I may have some days like those, to take away any pressure that tries to sneak in 🙂 But I must say, I’m really enjoying the drawing so far.

      I hope all is well with you and I’ll see you and all the other trigglets soon.

      Reply
  23. 45

    rebecca says

    April 13, 2016 at 2:58 pm

    So sorry to hear about your illness, but so happy that you are receiving the care that you need. Prayers for a speedy recovery. Great idea for a simple drawing a day to mark your healing journey.

    Reply
    • 46

      Paul says

      April 18, 2016 at 9:09 am

      Thanks Rebecca. Beautiful avatar by the way 🙂

      Reply
  24. 47

    Madeleine says

    April 13, 2016 at 3:12 pm

    I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. Glad you’re on the mend and it sounds like they caught it in time. The bureaucracy can be awful, but we’re very lucky to have the NHS when it works. Hoping you’ll have a stress-free recovery.

    Reply
    • 48

      Paul says

      April 18, 2016 at 9:13 am

      Only just in time I think! But yes, I’m definitely on the mend now. I agree, we are extremely lucky to have the NHS and I must say, I’ve never received such excellent care as I got from the doctors and nursing staff at the Urology department at Guy’s hospital. In fact, everyone there was wonderful.

      It just makes me so much more worried that the NHS seems to be being deliberately dismantled, piece by piece. It may be clunky, but it saved my life, which means my two sons get to keep their Dad. I can’t envision any political or ideological argument that could possibly stand in the face of that.

      Thanks for the kind words, too. Getting better a little every day 🙂

      Reply
  25. 49

    Caroline says

    April 13, 2016 at 3:26 pm

    Paul, I guessed something was up but didn’t want to intrude, probably like everyone else here. What an experience you’ve had. It is like being reborn when you come through something like this. Wishing you strength and healing and good health, and take it moment by moment. The energy our bodies (and minds) need in order to do the healing mustn’t be underestimated, so take it easy on yourself as Burt Bacharach might say X

    Reply
    • 50

      Paul says

      April 18, 2016 at 9:15 am

      It is exactly like being reborn! I hadn’t thought of it, but it’s a good analogy. I’m taking it very easy at the moment and it seems to be working. Thanks Caroline.

      Reply
  26. 51

    Pierre says

    April 13, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    I was wondering why we hadn’t heard from you. Wow! sounds like you were hit pretty bad. But you have the right spirit. So, you will pull through. Hang in there!

    Reply
    • 52

      Paul says

      April 18, 2016 at 9:16 am

      Thanks Pierre, am hanging in here 🙂

      Reply
  27. 53

    david says

    April 13, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    So sorry to hear of your illness Paul, it sounds like a particularly horrible thing you have got but I have everything crossed that you make a full and speedy recovery. At least you are getting good care now, take it easy. all best wishes

    Reply
    • 54

      Paul says

      April 18, 2016 at 9:17 am

      Thanks David. Yes, it wasn’t pretty. But I have had excellent care for which I’m also extremely grateful!

      Reply
  28. 55

    Toon-Keesee says

    April 13, 2016 at 5:04 pm

    Get well soon! You are an inspiration. Thank you for all you share with us.

    Reply
    • 56

      Paul says

      April 18, 2016 at 9:17 am

      Thank you Toon-Keesee, and you’re very welcome. I hope to back sharing again soon.

      Reply
  29. 57

    natascia says

    April 13, 2016 at 5:10 pm

    Really glad that you are getting better Paul!I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
    Best wishes for a speedy recovery and I look forward to your posts and videos very soon!!!

    Reply
    • 58

      Paul says

      April 18, 2016 at 9:18 am

      Thank you Natascia, that’s a lovely thought.

      Reply
  30. 59

    Patricia Sanders says

    April 13, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    Paul, I’ve been receiving your emails for over a year and haven’t ever posted – I’m just barely beginning to learn to draw and your emails have kept the desire alive even while I haven’t actually engaged it. But I wanted to thank you for this beautiful post. It was very moving for me as I’ve been through a tough time the last couple of years myself and am just coming out of it into a fresh new sunshiney world. The idea that noticing is both an expression of gratitude and a gift itself is lovely. You’re in my prayers and I’m wishing you a speedy recovery.

    Reply
    • 60

      Paul says

      April 18, 2016 at 9:20 am

      Thank you Patricia, that’s wonderful to hear! You’re very welcome, and I hope I’ll be able to continue feeding your desire to draw, if I can. I shall certainly do my very best.

      Reply
  31. 61

    Hank says

    April 13, 2016 at 5:29 pm

    All signs now are positive and I look forward to an even richer experience with your online offerings. I’ve been aware of making gratitude an ongoing part of my life and that is beautifully reinforced now. Thank you yet again.

    Reply
    • 62

      Paul says

      April 18, 2016 at 9:22 am

      Thanks Hank, and great to hear from you. Hope everything is good with you.

      Reply
  32. 63

    Mirela says

    April 13, 2016 at 5:31 pm

    Stay healthy Paul, all the best to you and your family! Relax and rest, maybe this is the message of your strange disease. I had the other days a very strange and unexpected accident and now my world is upside down. I am now for the first time in the centre of my life. It feels refreshing!<3

    Reply
    • 64

      Paul says

      April 30, 2016 at 12:55 am

      Thanks Mirela. Actually I think you’re right, that is very much the message of the disease. It’s certainly the one I’m taking forward into my recovery. Not always easy, but I’m getting better with practice!

      Sorry to hear you’ve had troubles too. Hoping you’re through the worst of them.

      Reply
  33. 65

    Chris Daly says

    April 13, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    Well done for getting yourself through this! You’re on the mend and I think that a little drawing a day will be good therapy.

    Reply
  34. 66

    Bronwen Quick says

    April 13, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    Oh my! You have been ill, haven’t you!! I was missing your emails, and wondered what was happening. I am so glad to hear that you are now on the mend.

    You have no idea how I appreciate your emails. I never get any time to do any of this, but just reading your emails encourages me and has helped me tremendously.

    Sounds like your UK hospital service is no better than ours over here in Ontario, Canada. You certainly have to be your own advocate anymore. If someone says they will make an appointment for you, you’d better darn well check up on it in a week to see if it actually happened!! It’s terrible for the amount of taxes we pay!

    I look forward to seeing those emails again, Paul, but make sure you are darned good and healthy before you go at it again. We all understand and most of us can relate.

    Have a great day today, and may tomorrow be even greater!

    Bronwen Quick

    Reply
  35. 67

    Sarah says

    April 13, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    A beautiful post, Paul. Thank you for reminding us of the transformative power of Gratitude – a power that is available to use in every moment.

    with best wishes for your recovery
    Sarah

    Reply
  36. 68

    Alex says

    April 13, 2016 at 8:23 pm

    You’re a hero Paul, stay strong and God bless!

    Reply
  37. 69

    andyX says

    April 13, 2016 at 8:26 pm

    All the best mate, thank you for sharing. It’s times like this that bring a clarity to life and what’s really important. All the best to you and yours.

    Reply
  38. 70

    nasreen says

    April 13, 2016 at 8:53 pm

    Like others here, I had an uneasy feeling that it – the cause for your absence – might be something unpleasant. All in all, grateful to know that you’re on the mend and I pray things flow back to their normal pattern very soon. You continue to give and inspire during this difficult and testing time.

    Gratitude? Always.

    Breathe, relax and stay strong!

    Nasreen

    Reply
  39. 71

    Lori says

    April 13, 2016 at 9:47 pm

    God Bless you Paul…I’m sitting in the hospital with my husband who had extensive surgery three weeks ago for stomach cancer…a week later he suffered a collapsed lung due to a leak from his surgery..too much to explain, but he also seems to have turned the corner:) Grateful indeed!

    Take it slow and listen to your body. You’re a very special person:)

    Cheers!

    Lori

    Reply
  40. 72

    Linda Brandon says

    April 13, 2016 at 10:23 pm

    So glad to hear you’re on the mend and that your mind is in a good place. You truly are an inspiration to me, Paul! Please keep us up to date on your recovery. Best wishes to you always, Linda

    Reply
  41. 73

    Lilli says

    April 13, 2016 at 11:07 pm

    Remember that the Doctors are just practicing themselves, just like we are! Wait! That is a scary thought! I know because they took 4 days to find out that I had disposed of a gall bladder on my own (well, my body had) and they thought I was having a heart attack. It’s like thinking that was clear stand oil when actually it’s turp!

    Keep smiling and I understand the glowing appreciation of seemingly small things! Lilli

    Reply
  42. 74

    lILIAN says

    April 13, 2016 at 11:31 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing. Please take care of yourself and get well soon.

    Reply
  43. 75

    Jennifer young says

    April 14, 2016 at 12:19 am

    Paul, you continue to inspire. Wishing you complete recovery, and soon! #dailygift

    Reply
  44. 76

    yulia says

    April 14, 2016 at 12:41 am

    I am so sorry about your illness and so glad that you’re feeling better. I only know too well about being in hospitals and trying to find the right doctors. My sister had a liver transplant and her health is very fragile. I just spent the whole weekend in the hospital with her. Stay strong and concentrate on the positive. Art heals! Take good care of yourself and thank you for inspiring us!

    Reply
  45. 77

    Arjuna says

    April 14, 2016 at 4:37 am

    Hi Paul:

    Take care of yourself we are all with you in spirit!!! You must ensure that you take care of other dimensions of your life while practicing art. Art is a life long pursuit and if we get exclusively caught up in it, other aspects of our life short circuit. It is most important to address health, spirituality, finances, family and make art a part of that mix!!! This is what is working for me. Pay extra attention to your well being, not just preventative health from now on. Like exercise daily….eliminate stress and so on…It is the support on which we do our art…

    Reply
  46. 78

    Vee says

    April 14, 2016 at 5:25 am

    Hi Paul

    I absolutely love getting your amazing posts 🙂 Thank you!

    So sorry you have been so sick – hope you heal quickly and thank you for being so inspirational even when you are battling. You are greatly appreciated – I would love to share your daily gratitudes with my art students. Get well.

    Reply
  47. 79

    Paula Dawson says

    April 14, 2016 at 6:56 am

    Hi Paul I’m sorry that you have gone through such a terrible ordeal and very pleased that you are making a recovery. Your attitude is brilliant !!! I hope that your health return quickly and that your creativity is enhanced from the experience. With warm wishes for a speedy recovery
    Paula

    Reply
  48. 80

    Malcolm CUdmore says

    April 14, 2016 at 10:26 am

    Hi Paul. That’s quite a story! And I’m so glad you have been correctly diagnosed and are now receiving proper attention. I wish you a speedy return to health and that you return to learning to see. All the very best,
    Malcolm

    Reply
  49. 81

    Nuri says

    April 14, 2016 at 10:34 am

    I love your gratitude post. Very inspiring! Thanks!

    Reply
  50. 82

    Chris Beaven says

    April 14, 2016 at 11:22 am

    Great Post! I’m happy that your feeling better and I hope that you get back on your feet soon.

    Reply
  51. 83

    Heramb sukhathankar says

    April 14, 2016 at 4:49 pm

    Wish you a speedy recovery Paul!

    Reply
  52. 84

    Marjorie says

    April 14, 2016 at 10:39 pm

    Dear Paul,
    I hope you go from strength to strength…I am so sorry to hear of the tough time you have had.
    Many thanks for the inspiration that you give to others. Be sure to take time for yourself and your family.
    My best wishes to you all.

    Reply
  53. 85

    Mildred says

    April 14, 2016 at 11:27 pm

    So sorry for all of your problems, especially with the broken system. TRUST in God as he is our great and Divine healer. I also will add your name to our healing list. I hope that it will be okay with you. And many, many thanks for your great letter of Gratitude. I believe that it was your appreciation and gratefulness for life that saved your life. Take care, and we all missed you too.

    Reply
  54. 86

    Diana says

    April 15, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    Such a beautiful blog Paul-your children have a very gifted dad. So pleased you better- sounds dreadful time but great news u pain free and home soon

    Reply
  55. 87

    HelenMT says

    April 16, 2016 at 2:31 am

    Paul! I’m so sorry I did not know you were ill! I recently had my gallbladder taken out from chemo poison and have not recovered well. You were A Very Important Part of My Recovery from cancer and I Wish I had been here to return the Favor! You are a Very Special Human Being and You have Touched Hundreds of People searching for a Direction in their Art!! Your Family is Beautiful and You deserve them! Thank You Paul, for sharing Your Life With All of Us!!! Your Friend, Always, With’ Gratitude’ for Knowing You!!! Helen

    Reply
  56. 88

    Alexandria says

    April 17, 2016 at 3:34 am

    A hospital room with a window that opens is a miracle of its own – I would have been very grateful for that. All the best

    Reply
  57. 89

    antonio says

    April 19, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    good healing, your artistic experiences shared are gratitudes

    Reply
  58. 90

    PJ says

    April 25, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    I’m coming into this late – what a lovely post. All your posts are fantastic, although I don’t have time much to participate. So very sorry to hear about what must have been a very frightening time. I do wish you very speedy healing – take good care of yourself!

    Reply
    • 91

      Paul says

      April 25, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Thanks PJ, great to hear from you. Getting better bit by bit 🙂 Hope things are good with you.

      Reply
  59. 92

    Liz forshaw says

    April 27, 2016 at 12:58 pm

    Paul! I hadn’t visited your site for a long time now, but I’m so glad I just did. Someone at school had mentioned Notan and of course I had to send them to your site and all your excellent posts and videos on composition. I’m so, so sorry to discover you’ve been so ill. I googled retroperitoneal fibrosis to understand what it is exactly. You and your dear family have been through the ringer. So happy you have a definitive diagnosis now, and excellent specialist care. I will be cheering for you!! I can’t tell you how much I have appreciated your thoughtful, insightful posts. You’re such a great role model to us. A wonderful example of human goodness, generosity and excellence through focused hard work. You’re on a wonderful path in your healing now. Rest and heal and enjoy your life in every way you can.
    Sending you healing wishes and strength for an even more wonderful tomorrow.

    Reply
    • 93

      Paul says

      April 27, 2016 at 4:26 pm

      Wonderful to hear from you Liz! Yes, it’s been an interesting few weeks! But I’m getting stronger every day, still drawing, and taking time to notice a little beauty every day.

      I hope everything’s good with you. Thanks very much for the kind thoughts.

      Reply
  60. 94

    Katie MILLARD says

    May 5, 2016 at 9:48 am

    Dear Paul you sound such a wonderful man, a pleasure to read you words.
    Rest, observe and muse, everything else can wait.
    Take care
    Keep well
    Katie

    Reply
  61. 95

    Conrad Conero says

    May 5, 2016 at 11:30 am

    Sorry I haven’t sent this sooner. Glad to hear you’re on the road to recovery. No need for a response. Have been a bit down lately myself since I had stopped drawing for a time to see if the pains in my hand would alleviate, and since they had to a great extent, I was reluctant to start up again. I miss it though and will probably dip my toes back in the water soon. Best wishes for your continued improvement. Your attitude is always a positive influence for me.

    Reply
  62. 96

    Allison says

    May 5, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    So scary! I’m so sorry you’ve been through this, but I’m so happy that you have found a new appreciation for the simple things in life. I had an accident when I was 18 and I wasn’t sure I would walk again. I was so angry and jealous of people who could walk and run and they totally took it for granted (I was 18 and full of angst).

    Today, I walk fine- not a runner, but I am grateful for what I do have. Thank you for bringing back the knowledge of how very lucky we all are to have functioning bodies and the ability to see the beauty in this world. The day to day checklists get in the way sometimes.

    Wishing you a speedy recovery and looking forward to your gifts in my email.

    Reply
  63. 97

    Mildred wilson says

    May 5, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    Many thanks, Paul. This is for you: http://satzanga.com/blog/106839/this-morning-gift

    Reply
    • 98

      Paul says

      May 6, 2016 at 6:46 am

      Thank you Mildred! Great to see you picking up the practice too, good luck with it.

      Reply
  64. 99

    Eva douglas says

    May 6, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    Dear Paul, I’m so sorry to hear of the pain you have been through but it’s lovely to see that you have turned this obstacle into a portal of discovery – a deeper appreciation of the present. Sending love your way. Eva

    Reply
    • 100

      Paul says

      May 6, 2016 at 3:42 pm

      Thank you Eva 🙂

      Reply
  65. 101

    Irmi says

    May 8, 2016 at 12:58 pm

    Dear Paul,
    So sorry to hear about the terrible ordeal and pain you had to endure , but so grateful that you are on the mend again.
    I was wondering what had happened to you, as you had been so silent these last few months . Creative Triggers is just not the same without you, our creative leader.
    I wish you a complete recovery ,and may you find joy and healing in the gift of each new day .

    Reply
    • 102

      Paul says

      May 9, 2016 at 10:18 am

      Hi Irmi, great to hear from you!

      Sorry I’ve been so quiet. You’ve all been in my thoughts. The illness has brought a great change in me, which I’m still getting used to, still exploring. Like the healing, it’s taking a little time. But I will be back soon with some fresh ideas! I’m very much looking forward to seeing you all again.

      Reply
  66. 103

    Jim Hooper says

    May 21, 2016 at 1:56 pm

    Hi Paul,
    I’m moved by your experience, thank you for sharing this with me. I’m glad you are feeling somewhat better. Take care.
    Regards
    Jim

    Reply
    • 104

      Paul says

      May 23, 2016 at 6:01 am

      Thanks Jim.

      Reply
  67. 105

    Gina Rubio-White says

    August 3, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    Paul,
    I just found your website and read this entry. It is now August 3, 2016 and I really hope you are past that difficult experience.
    Love your website!
    Gina

    Reply
    • 106

      Paul says

      August 4, 2016 at 8:32 am

      Thanks Gina, I am indeed feeling much better now. It’s been a tough few months but I’m actually quite grateful for the illness – or at least, for what it’s taught me. I hope you enjoy the blog!

      Reply
  68. 107

    Aneta says

    August 12, 2016 at 8:20 pm

    Dear Paul,

    I’ve just come around searching for some tips on improving my drawing skills. I’ve read your entry about composition skills practice and it’s awesome. Then I’ve found that entry. Just wanting to tell that, I too was quite “ill” for the last months, it is/was a healing crisis, the result of many changes in my life and lately my raw vegan diet by Gabriel Cousens. I’m just lately seeing the end of all the pain and suffering… It was so difficult, many months just lying because I couldn’t move… Inflammation of intestines(or something that doctors wouldn’t want to investigate) and severe sciatic pain… I’m healing with juice fasts, raw vegetable fasts and water fasts… I’ve tried everything. Just wanted you to know there are more people like you. I’m seeing the end and I’m so happy because of the illness I’ve understood that I have to create more art, I have to do it, if I don’t I’m just not completely happy, so I’m back on track. Thank you for your blog, your help, your light. Hope you get well too, just remember, nothing last forever. Pain either. Illness either. Take care of yourself. Read some mind body connection healing workbook, meaning of different illnesses and so… there are a lot of great books on that topic. I’m therapist too, I work with energy and emotions.
    Just sending you a big hug and God bless you, your family and your life in all ways.

    Reply
  69. 108

    deborah says

    September 28, 2016 at 6:34 pm

    Dear Paul
    I am glad that you are feeling better and you have come through all this. i did pray for you.
    You may like to look at the anti immune thyroiditis diet. That is what I have. Helps the immune system immensly. Raw is great but I think you have to be careful. Bone broth is good.
    God Bless
    Deborah.

    Reply
  70. 109

    Ruth-Ann Carlock says

    January 8, 2017 at 5:02 pm

    Dear Paul,

    I have just read this and had no idea that you had been through so much difficulty this past year. As you know, I still subscribe to Creative Triggers although I have not contributed to the forum or done any drawing or painting in quite a few months. I have turned my attention to acting, a life-long passion, and just completed a run of The Shadow Box, playing the role of Felicity, here in NYC. I don’t intend to abandon my art work entirely and will return to it very soon, even if I devote less time than previously.

    I just wanted to say what a courageous, generous, and strong person you are to share all of this with your readers and followers. I am so glad that you have turned to full time art and abandoned a job that you hated. I, too, know what doing something that you hate full time can do to you. I am also grateful that you are well again and wish you much good health in your future.

    All the best for 2017,
    Ruth-Ann

    Reply
  71. 110

    Jochem says

    January 19, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    Thanks for this post Paul.

    Reply
  72. 111

    Cynthia says

    April 21, 2017 at 6:06 pm

    Hi Paul, Gee, you really have had a time of it. What I am grateful for is that you are
    coming out of this time and that you are doing better. Thank you for the reminder
    about practicing gratitude. It is so very healing.

    I will message you on Facebook regarding my class with you.
    Hugs from California , Cynthia

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hi, I’m Paul

I'm a (mostly) self-taught artist. I paint realism in oils, mostly still life. I share my work, my evolving process and what knowledge I've gained on my own learning journey here, in the hope that it might help you on yours.
Read More…

paul foxton logo