Have you ever felt slightly out of step with the world around you?
Are you often happier with your own company? Do large groups of people and social events drain you and leave you needing to recharge?
Would you often rather stay at home and work on something creative than go out socialising? And do you ever feel slightly guilty about that?
If so, this post is for you.
A portrait of an introvert
Picture a little boy, about 10 years old. He’s sitting quietly in his bedroom, playing by himself.
His mother considers him an “easy” child. Unlike his older sisters, he doesn’t need her constant input to keep him occupied.
But she’s concerned.
When his friends come round to play – and he has plenty of them – often he doesn’t want to go out with them and would rather play by himself. She’s concerned enough to wonder if she should take him to see a child psychiatrist.
Thankfully, she doesn’t.
The extrovert ideal
At least in the west, we live in societies that revere extroverts. There’s a plethora of self help books that will advise you how to connect with people more effectively, make friends, influence people, make a favourable first impression.
Because that’s how you get ahead. But in societies where being garrulous, confident and outspoken is the ideal, the quieter ones among us may find themselves left out, passed over and ignored.
If you’re one of those quiet people, that doesn’t mean you don’t have anything to say. In fact, you have much to contribute.
You’re probably a deep thinker, someone who considers things deeply before coming to conclusions. You probably have great powers of concentration. You might have deep insights, you just don’t shout about them.
So the world rarely hears you. It’s usually the extroverts that have their ideas heard, that take leadership roles in groups and make decisions that are acted upon.
But in fact, there’s zero correlation between being loud and being right. The world should listen to its introverts more.
Quiet
That’s the central hypotheses of a book called Quiet – The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I’ve just finished it, and if you’re an introvert, I highly recommend you read it. If you consider yourself an extrovert, I still recommend you read it.
But if you’re an introvert, I think you’ll find it validates you and might even help you to accept yourself as you really are a little more. You don’t have to feel guilty about being quiet.
Are you an introvert?
If you’ve never done a personality test, like the Myers Briggs one, and aren’t sure whether you’d consider yourself an introvert or not, try answering “true” or “false” to some of these questions (they’re taken directly from Quiet):
- I prefer one-on-one conversation to group activities
- I enjoy solitude
- I seem to care less than my peers about wealth, fame and status
- I dislike small talk, but enjoy in depth conversations about things that matter to me
- People tell me that I’m a good listener
- I enjoy work that allows me to “dive in” with few interruptions
- I do my best work on my own
- I often let calls go through to voicemail
- I can concentrate easily
How did you do?
I don’t mind telling you, I’m an off-the-chart introvert. So much so that my current day job, which requires me to work in a busy open-plan office and “hot-desk”, is making me physically ill. I’ve just had two fairly nasty illnesses in rapid succession and the last one put me in hospital for a few days.
That can be the cost of living in a way that doesn’t suit your temperament. That’s also why I’ve been moved to write this post. As you’ve probably guessed by now, the little boy I described at the start of this post was me.
Having realised the probable cause of my recent illnesses, and the reason I’m so drained at the end of a working day in the office, I’m going to try to change my life to suit my temperament. That’s an immediate practical use for this unassuming little book: It’s shown me what I need and what I need to change.
The natural traits of the artist
No-one is completely an introvert or an extrovert. We’re complicated beings, our personalities are the result of many different influences. Introverts can pretend to be extroverts, often unconsciously. Someone I spoke to at work about this was surprised that I consider myself an introvert. But she doesn’t see what it costs me to come across as more extroverted when I’m at work.
I wonder how many of you are like me, trying to fit in with a world that values extroverts, all the while knowing on a deeper level that what you really need is the chance to get on with your work in peace and quiet. I’m never happier than when I’m sitting by myself, drawing. Daily concerns melt away. Time seems to stop.
Many of the qualities of the introvert would seem to be perfect for artists:
- Thinking deeply
- Happy working alone for long periods
- Capable of sustained concentration
- Sensitive to the world around us
- Persistence
- Self-motivation
Of course there have also been artists that one might consider extroverts. Salvador Dali. Picasso. I’m sure you can think of plenty more. But even these artists must work for long periods alone. And perhaps they just make a good job of coming across as more extroverted than they really are, and perhaps the effort costs them.
It’s ok to be an artist
The message of Cain’s book is very positive, and I think an important one. It’s that we need to understand where we fit on the introvert/extrovert scale. If we find ourselves towards either extreme, that has ramifications for the kind of lives we should be living.
For me, reading Cain’s book has helped me not only understand myself better, but accept who I am.
So where do you sit? Do you agree that the traits of the introvert seem a perfect fit for the artist, or do you consider yourself an extrovert?
I’d really like to hear from you. I’d love to know how much that little boy sounds like you.
Thanks for reading,
Paul
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1 to 8 totally True. 9 False… I’m easily distracted 😉
I work in an environment which is fueled almost entirely with egos and extroverts and it may be just my own perception but I am a bit of a ‘black sheep’ here. It doesn’t bother me, luckily I’m not fussed about working my way up the corporate ladder unlike everyone else.
This post made me feel very good. Thank you.
Great post, Paul! I’m an introvert through and through, and I don’t apologise for being one. 🙂 It’s slightly easier coming from the East since there is a tradition of respect for those who are discreet and quiet there. That’s changing as well. You’ve also accurately pointed out that it is much harder for introverts in the West where extroversion is revered, and trying to fit in with an environment that contradicts with your own nature can be disastrous, which you’ve experienced. I experienced that mildly in my previous work but luckily my current role allows me to be as close to my own nature as possible. I’m sorry to hear about your recent illnesses, and hope that you’re on your way to finding a path that works with your true nature. 🙂
Hi Steve,
I think that makes you a pretty strong introvert! Especially the part about not caring about the corporate ladder much – I’m very much the same.
Thank you Annmieke, I’m glad it resonated. Thanks for commenting and letting me know. I hereby give you permission to sit quietly for the rest of the day 🙂
Thanks Hwee Ching, a major theme of Susan Cain’s book is how traditionally, quieter and more thoughtful types are respected more in other cultures, especially in the east. Although, she does note that it’s changing now somewhat with western influence. Pity.
I think you’d really like her book.
Introvert, definitely!
Thanks Mirela. You’re obviously pretty sure about that!
Paul I used to work in a large banking corporation for 22 years & had to behave in a manner that it wasnt the real me. Eventually, I got sick…my only refuge was art.
If you can, let go of your current working environment before you regret it…
Hi Paul,
Pleased to see that you’re still around and doing well. Interesting post. I’ll check out the book.
As you say, we’re complicated and unlikely to fit easily into personality type categories. Personally, although meeting many of the criteria for introvert I definitely fail on the ability to concentrate.
I also find that, although I generally quite like solitude and prefer to work alone, I do need to be vigilant lest I isolate myself too much. I know that, in my case at least, sometimes the reason for preferring my own company is simply that I find it less challenging. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s best though; in fact it can be simply be easier and in some ways rather lazy.
I left my job a couple of years ago and I do feel a lot more relaxed now, mainly due to the fact that I have much more control over my time and don’t need to suffer the frustrations of office politics and feeling that my life is passing me by.
I am aware though, that challenging or uncomfortable situations can be stretching and aid growth, whilst spending a lot of time alone can lead to the loss of a healthy perspective. I did learn a lot during the years in my job and gained much confidence and made good friends. I’m happier now but, I have to admit, have allowed myself to drift somewhat (not much of the intended painting achieved. A lot of useful reading done though [procrastination]!). Perhaps your new site will help by adding a certain motivational group dynamic that is lacking when working alone.
Right, must pull my finger out and get painting!
Cheers
Amazing, Paul! I just finished reading this book last night, and it resonated with me all the way through. I have always known I am an intorvert, but it is the uncomfortable feeling the world gives you that you should be more outgoing, that there is something inferior about introverts, that is so damaging.
I do enjoy people, but crave time on my own, to do my own thing, like read or create art. Will stop feeling guilty about it from now on.
Hi Paul, so sorry to hear you weren’t well. Funny how illness has a silver lining. It highlights whats unbearable forces you to stop and put right what is wrong. It resets your equilibrium to beauty and goodness.
For a long time now, I’ve tried to analyze and accept my personality through Myers Brigg and Socionics. There is an ‘artists’ personality among these personality classifications and it tends towards someone who is a craftsman.
We are all different, even introverted artists are different, so not unsurprisingly, there are artists that are more cerebral and less craftsman-like. They might make good teachers. The best art teachers are both.
There are extroverted (performers) artists who might
Ike to show off a bit and can motivate themselves through this strength. The only important thing is to recognize what it is you need to be to be authentic to yourself and what you wish to improve upon. I know I have to be more action-oriented if i want to be a real artist.
We are sensitive beings:)) the child off in his room willingly practicing his guitar chords or drawing while the sun shines outside is creating a safe bubble around them. With practice, they receive praise and their own reward, beautiful art. We’re off in our own world, but it’s a lovely world. What would this world be like if it wasn’t for the contribution of artists before us?
I’m really bad at getting motivated to start drawing. I’m ok when I get started, but maybe I needed this year to read, observe and understand who I am. Ive done an about-face too. Nothing is wasted if you are an artist. “An artist can never fail. It is a success to be one” need to check who quoted that).
These thoughts have made me realize that I tend to produce when I feel I have let that string between me and the outside world of artists and people who matter, get too long. I start feeling invisible, or worried I’m going to become a total waste of space, and I jerk on that string to bring myself closer to them and my art too. I’ll get feedback, we’ll discuss beautiful art, the science and philosophies of art, and then I’ll be good for a while. Kind of like all shy people in very social places, we need time away to miss the outside world.
I wish I was more action-oriented though. Looking forward to hearing more:))
Hi Paul,
Apologies, mate this is badly written (am having to rush this to pick up the kid on time.)
Thank you for taking the time to share your wisdom and write a great post (again.) My take on working as an artist has changed recently due to us having opened a gallery/exhibition space. It’s absolutely brilliant working in the splendid isolation of my studio. Yet, I have learned so much more about the reception of my work through meeting loads of other people (in the gallery,) interested buyers, not interested non-buyers, people coming in just for a cuppa, the dustmen, etc. Basically it feels like the gamut of the human race has been by. This has really, really been helpful to me. They all (actually, just the speaking ones) give me a much more broader view, opinion and context of what I think that I’m doing, or am hoping to achieve. ‘Having feedback by the ‘learned’ public on a regular basis has thickened my skin to criticsm, taught me to take a lot of things with a grain of salt has and simultaneously sharpened my ideas about how my work is developing and needs to develop – commercially as well.
Mingling can be very helpful.
Hope you understand my point, can’t wait to see your new project up and running, online.
Shaun
I’m definitely an introvert. The profession I’ve chosen reflects it. My leisure time interests reflect it. And I have felt guilty about it.
In my profession, I work one on one (of course) with several people who have big careers. They attend events all the time where they have to be “on.” They answer to boards of directors, give speeches, attend and host giant parties, conduct transactions involving great sums of money… They SPEND great sums of money, and much of what they do involves lots of people. People people people. Ugh…
As I listen to all of this, my reaction is, “I’m glad it’s not me.” But I’m also visited by a niggling sense that all of what they do and have is what I should desire also. And for a moment, I’m uncomfortable with myself and the life I have. And then I’m immediately uncomfortable (defensive) with being uncomfortable. And then it all blows over…until the next time.
So, I’m very interested in what your recommended read has to say about all this, Paul.
Looking forward!!
this is me, to a “T”!
my mom was always worried about me and continually urged me to be more out-going and i wasted a lot of time as a kid and young adult feeling needlessly guilty for being introverted. even girl friends, who thought dating an artist would be thrilling, would eventually throw their hands up in despair at my solitary ways.
fortunately i learned to accept meself as i am, and have stopped feeling guilty for not being that psychotic, attention seeking narcissist than seems to be so popular in our society.
i look forward to reading “quiet – the power of introverts…”, thanks for sharing it with us.
Thank you Paul for your input. I’m an introvert and don’t feel guilty about it, however I agree with Liz, I ought to be more action oriented.
Growing up in a family of nine guaranteed no time alone. I now cannot get enough of it. I avoid crowds like nobody’s business and revel in quiet hours spent alone………but I don’t think many of my friends would call me an introvert. Maybe because of the sense of humor is easy to employ as a watcher and listener can offer quips which set the group off. Yes, we are complex and the control over the mind to force one into working on one’s stuff daily when no one really cares that much, we have to care for ourselves and it gets tedious………..however I find leaving the house usually cures what ails me, I want nothing more than to be home again, doing my own thing. It is good to get out and better to get back. Stay well, do yoga to keep the body flexible and mind happy. I am going to start on the Dow work. Thanks for all you share with us.
Hi Paul, so sorry your illness.Now, looking forward thanks for sharing it with us.
The hospital! That is awful! Please do take care of yourself, Paul!
(And yes, I’m probably still an introvert, though I have spent years trying to change this aspect of myself. 🙂 Thanks for the book suggestion! as always, another wonderful post here.
Hi Paul,
Thank you for the mention of this book. Will read!
Had done the Myres Briggs test (INFP) so at least could understand a bit of why I did not relate to or respect what went on in the open plan environment at my work. My defence was to create a work area at my desk which related to my inner self in having stones from the beach, plants and a few photos which meant something to me. Goodness knows how I’d cope with a hot desking situation!
As you say Paul, there is a cost to interacting in the predominately extrovert world in which we have to operate. Even in my social life I find it is hard work to be constantly ‘there’ for the extroverts. Invariably I am the listener which is my norm but just now and again, it would be good to be listened to.
Many best wishes Paul.
Yup, I am an introvert. Also self conscious and lack confidence. Like you I covered it up at work (39 years earning but hating!). Now I am “on the road to find out” with the love of another and the help of those like you. Soon I hope to have things sorted. Off to the RA Summer Exhibition on Sunday, part of my learning curve. So bring on your new web site. Oh, and don’t forget you owe me a coffee!!
Thank you Paul for posting this! and many thanks to all that have commented. It’s heartwarming (and insightful) to read your comments. I have ordered the book and look forward to reading it. Be well Paul and know that many of us out here in cyberspace are cheering for you!
Good to hear from you Paul. I signed up to this list many months ago and had forgotten about it. Benefited from your commentary on your website. Look forward to hearing more from you!
Thanks everyone for all your insightful comments. It certainly does seem to resonate with a lot of you.
The last time I did the Myers-Briggs test I was an INFJ. Very happy to be sharing a personality type with Gandhi!
George, that’s sounding horribly familiar. Thankfully I’ve spoken to work about it, they’ve been very understanding and I’m now going to be working from home more.
Adrian, I hope you like the book. You can get a preview of it from Susan Cain’s TED talk on the same subject – I meant to link it from the post but forgot!
I do know what you mean about watching that our tendency to solitude doesn’t get over-indulged. I’ve certainly had periods when I’ve spent unhealthy amounts of time on my own. It’s all about finding the right balance, I agree.
Jan, I’ll make a deal with you: We’ll both stop feeling guilty! I’m glad you’ve found the book to be so positive too.
Hi Liz, nice to hear from you again. I completely agree, being authentic to who we are and what we need is of paramount importance. It’s always easy to know those two things consciously though. I think Susan Cain’s book wouldn’t have been such a revelation to me otherwise. I felt it, but hadn’t really consciously understood it quite so clearly as I do after reading it.
I also identify with what you say about taking action. I’m very cerebral too. I’ve evolved a few daily rituals to help with that, it can be worked on effectively. One of them is to decide on the single most important task I want to get done on any given day, and write it down the night before. Then I make sure I make a start on it first thing in the morning. It works wonders for me.
Shaun, thanks for such an insightful comment. That’s so true. I’ve had periods in my life when I’ve barely left the house for long periods, which is definitely NOT healthy!
Melissa, please read the book! Susan wrote it for people like us. I think you’ll feel released from that guilt and more entitled to be who you are. I sincerely hope so.
Hi Roddy, thanks for popping in and commenting. Like Melissa and like me, I think you’ll find yourself in lurking in the pages of the book. It’s great that you’ve already reached a point where you don’t feel guilty about being an introvert.
Marion, thanks for coming out 🙂 Maybe you could try the ‘one thing a day’ method?
Loretta, I can’t imagine how you managed with that. I’m very glad to hear you’ve found the space you need now!
Let me know how your Dow work goes – feel free to email me to chat, I’ve found it a hugely effective way to practise.
Hi Maria Vitória, great to hear from you, and thanks. the illness has almost cleared up now thankfully. I had a nasty case of diverticulitis, really hope I don’t get another!
Hi Linda, I’m really happy to see you’re still reading after all this time! Not bored of my ramblings yet?
For what my opinion is worth – probably not very much – you do seem a natural introvert to me. I think that’s partly why I’ve always felt such a bond and an effortless kind of understanding with you.
Introverts aren’t always quiet all the time, just when we need to be to recharge. Susan Cain’s book covers some research into the genetic basis of introversion and extroversion, or what the psychologist who did the research () calls high and low reactivity. Introverts are high-reactive, sensitive is another way to describe it. Because we feel things deeply, too much stimulation over too long a period exhausts us. It’s like we were born with thinner skins, there does appear to be a genetic component. You can’t fight biology!
Hi Jen, that’s Introvert Intuitive Feeling Perceiving I think? We’re right next to each other, I’m an INFJ.
The ironic thing about those open plan, hot-desking environments is that multiple studies have shown that they’re very bad for productivity. When you think that a third to a half of people in the west are introverts, that has serious ramifications for business that have exclusively open plan working arrangements.
But the myth persists despite the studies. The company I work for is about to move to a new office completely based on hot-desking, even the meeting rooms have glass walls. There’s going to be no-where for us introverts to hide and get our work done!
But, as you rightly say, I very much doubt anyone would listen if I brought that up.
Nigel, great to hear fro you my friend! We will get that coffee in one day! Hope you enjoy the exhibition. I’ve never been since they refused two pieces of mine sour grapes 🙂
Olga, thanks for the comment. I agree, it’s been fascinating to read about everyone else’s experiences too. I had a feeling that there would be a higher than usual percentage of introverts amongst us, and I think the comments here reflect that. Thanks for your very kind words, I’m feeling better by the day.
Hi Penny, thanks for popping in and commenting, I’ve very glad to hear from you. I must apologise for my rather prolonged silence on the site, and thanks for your patience – now the new site is almost finished I should have a little more time for posting here again.
As a final note, I’d just like to say that I hope this doesn’t make any extraverts out there feel that they’re not natural artists in some way.
One of the more interesting comments, which has been repeated by a few people, is that introverts sometimes struggle with the ‘doing’ part of things, which extraverts handle so well.
I hope the overarching message is that we complement each other. There is no one right way to approach things, least of all art.
I read this book a couple months ago, it is excellent. I think that there a fair number of extroverted artists but introverted people are probably the most common.
Hi Paul,
I am so sorry that you were ill, but I am so glad that you found the cause and can do what needs to be done.
I answered true to each of the above questions. I have nine brothers and sisters, and I am the odd duck! But I am so glad to have read your post and review of this book, to see that, mostly, all is well with me, after all. But, I do need to work at my art more.
The new website will be exciting, and I thank you for doing it for us.
Blessings always, C-Marie
Almost too introverted to comment – but ‘yes’ to all of those questions…I recently found I am INFJ on one of those myers-briggs tests too. I think one other issue for introverts is that there are a lot fewer of us than there are extroverts. We can be made to feel like there is something wrong with us ! I’m not saying extroverts do this intentionally, they are often just concerned or bewildered by our need for solitude…
Glad to hear you are over your illness and getting on with your new site.
Hi Erin, thanks for commenting. I’m inclined to agree, I do think that some of the natural traits of the introvert make a good fit for artists. Let’s not forget the ambiverts though (a real word, apparently) who have the best of both worlds – they can produce the work and sell it!
Claudia-Marie! Great to hear from you. All is indeed well with you 🙂 We’ll see what we can do about the needing to work more part. I have a plan 🙂
Rosemary, it’s always really good to hear from you, I’m very glad you did comment.
Susan Cain reckons that there are more of us than you might think – about a third to a half of people. But then, it makes sense that it seems like there’s less of us because we draw attention to ourselves less – and often hide the fact that we’re introverts.
I think you’re the first other INFJ I’ve known about that I’ve met. We, apparently, are in quite short supply!
I wish I had been true to myself a long time ago!!
So do I Carole. Actually, I just wish I’d known! Realising that there’s nothing wrong with you – after a lifetime of suspecting that there is – is a liberating feeling.
Gee its great to know I’m not the only one who has all the correct scores on this list. I just thought I was different because of living in a small mid-western rural area.
The old saying birds of a feather flock together. Thanks for creating a place for use to group together, but not have to be in the same room. Ha!Ha!
Hope you get to feeling better soon. Will find the book to learn who I’m am.
>but not have to be in the same room
Hehe, that’s funny 🙂
Linda, there are a lot of us out there. Susan Cain reckons that a third to a half of people are introverts. You are allowed to be you – even better, you should be you, because the world needs to hear what you have to say!
My brother sent this post to me and I’m glad he did, it makes me even more interested in reading Quiet. I consider myself an introvert, but try to push myself to not just stay in my comfort zone but at the same time know that it’s okay to stay there sometimes.
Thanks, Paul! A very interesting read.
Thanks Kathryn. It sounds like you’ve reached a good balance between being aware that you might need to push yourself at times, but also feeling fine about the times you really need some peace and quiet to recharge.
I think Quiet will underline that even more for you, as well as making you feel positively good about being an introvert!
Never really classified myself as introverted as it always makes me think of people who don’t care about the rest of the world and only look inwards – and this doesn’t really fit, but I do fit the bill 1-9 above, although solitude is sometimes not wanted! I get frustrated with extraverts who try to force a view, which can be wrong or only partially thought through and who don’t listen to the quieter ones who think through and listen to other views. Some consider being quiet to be a problem – perhaps they should try it sometimes!! I left the corporate world a few years ago (bad team player!) to freelance as designer so have a distant connection with the corporate ladder which is fine. My ambition is to move to be an artist – okay I guess I fit the bill totally!!
hi Paul
I’ve enjoyed you post. mainly because I have been struggling to figure out where I fit in as artist for some time now. I particularly liked the introvert test at the top. Found it interesting that am an introvert in many ways except where it concerns focus and concentration for long period od time.
I have spent the better half of my life as a stay at home mother of three. I was a graphic artist for ten years prior to that.
I went from knowing how to concentrate and focus at work to being able to do 12 things at the same time (that’s what it takes to run three little lives and two adult one all at the same time). I basically unlearned how to stay on task and focus on one thing for a long period of time.
as much as I love painting and drawing, I can do it for long without being distracted.
Help! Do you have any words of wisdom for that? Anyone?
Really want to work again and I can’t decide if I am suited for this kind of work.
>okay I guess I fit the bill totally!!
Sounds like you just talked yourself into that one Nick 🙂
One of the themes of Quiet is that the world in general really should be listening to us introverts a little more – we think before we speak!
Hi Laura, and thanks – I’m glad you liked the post.
Focus is a skill like any other, it can be developed and stretched. The best way to do that is through practice.
Try to find a bit of time every day, preferably some interrupted time – so when the kids are in bed!
Set yourself a little exercise that stretches your focus and do it every day. Start small, maybe 2 or 3 minutes, and gradually increase the time as you become more comfortable with it. Eventually, you’ll start to feel your capacity to focus improve.
A good exercise for this is one I call breathing lines:
By the way Laura – don’t feel bad about struggling to focus for long periods of time. If my in-box is anything to go by, a lot of people struggle with that. You’re definitely not alone.
This made me feel like I’m not alone and gave me a confidence boost. I could almost have written the article myself. I’m an artist who feels very uncomfortable in a large group of people, especially if I’m expected to mingle and make conversation. I am in my element working alone for long periods, and I also experience the sensation of “time standing still.” My day job isn’t as crowded as yours seems to be, which I’m thankful for, but I still have traffic coming in and out of my office frequently, and the stress from that makes me ill in some ways too; mostly in nerve-related symptoms. Thank you for sharing this. It helps so much to know we’re not alone!
Thank you for writing this. Since I was a kid, I’ve always been an introvert though I like going out sometimes, hanging out with friends and having light-hearted conversations with them. But everyone, especially my parents and my sister, made it seem like being an introvert is a bad thing! And for that I started to dislike myself. During my first year of hs, I decided to be more open which made me really uncomfortable. I’m not saying being an open person is a bad thing, it’s just that…well, I can’t explain it…but it’s not a bad thing! Anyway, I made friends within the first week of school which is soooo unlike me! But it was exhausting. Having friends is good but pretending to be an extrovert is so hard. So I decided to go back to my old self. I still talk to my new friends but they have probably sensed something off about me and slowly, they avoided me. I thought to myself, it’s probably for the best. AND THEN, I hear people calling me a snob. Are you serious?! Well, I can’t blame them though. If I was in their shoes, Id probably think the same. I don’t really have that “innocent” look. I pretty much have an expressionless face and an almost-monotone voice. They are probably thinking “this girl probably thinks she’s so cool! Pffffffffffffffff” haha. But I didn’t care at first bc I used to be this if-you-don’t-say-something-it-will-go-away kind of girl, unfortunately, they didn’t go away so I had to stand up for myself and THEN people thought I was scandalous (they exaggerate too much). But that’s okay, I have moved on, it was such a long time ago. Whatever people think of me, I don’t care anymore. I don’t have to be pretend that I’m a extrovert just to get people to like me. I like who I am. I might need to open up a little bit bc I don’t want to give people the wrong impression about me so that I could prevent situations like before.
You don’t need to explain it, I know exactly what you mean. You’re amongst introverts here – well, at least one more anyway 🙂
I will say this: If your friends can’t understand that you need time alone sometimes and if they can’t accept that without criticising you, they’re not really friends. It may just be that you need to explain, at least to the ones closest to you, that you need this time and that it’s not personal.
I’ve had the same problem. People think you’re withdrawing from them because you don’t want to be with them, but in fact you just need some downtime. Whether they understand or not, you still need to take that tim or you may very well become ill (I did).
Reading this helped me feel better about myself as I am very introverted. As a child I was in invited to sleep overs and such, but always had excuses of why I couldn’t go.
I love when I can stay home, and I get anxious days ahead if I know i have to get out for appts and such. Thanks for helping me and others understand the traits of being introverted and how it’s okay to be us.
Very glad to hear it was helpful Lisa