This little painting of a freesia is my first attempt with oil paints for quite some time.
I was so energised starting this painting. As soon as I got out the easel and set it up, as soon as the paints came out, as soon as I opened the tub of turps and the smell of pine trees filled the room it all came flooding back to me. This is where I’m meant to be, among these smells, in the depth of this charged silence, infused with the calm tension that precedes a painting session.
It all came back.
All of it. So did the fear.
Fear of a blank canvas
What if this painting is a failure? What if it’s been so long that I’ve forgotten how to use oil paint? What if I can’t judge colour accurately any more? What if I just make a crap painting?
I write a lot here about how to get over those kind of fears and get started. So I took my own medicine, along with a deep breath, and just laid out the drawing.
This is how I usually work on little still lifes like this. I usually work sight-size, although the drawing out is fairly rough and ready. The little viewfinder helps me draw out more accurately more quickly, audition and refine the composition and also helps me focus on the subject.
At each stage of this little painting, the fear came rushing back in.
- When I’m about to start putting the first strokes of paint down: What if I mess it up now? I’ve only really got today with a quiet house (Michelle had taken the kids out for the day). What if I mess it up now?
- When I’m beginning to lay in the shadow areas: What if I get the values wrong?
- When I’m deciding which part to paint next: Should I finish this bit, or try to get it all covered and go from there? What if I make the wrong decision and screw the whole thing up?
After roughing in the main values of the main flower, I decide to finish each petal, one at a time.
After a while, I’m painting and I’m into the zone. I’d forgotten how completely enveloping a painting session can be. I stop painting when I’m at the end of the usable light for the day.
I suddenly realise I’m exhausted, although I’ve only been painting for about four or five hours. I mean, really exhausted. Like I’ve just worked 12 hours straight.
It takes me a little while to realise why. The time has passed almost without me noticing it, I’ve been so absorbed in what I was doing. I know of no other activity that affects me in quite this way, being so completely involved that I don’t notice time passing – for a whole day.
The following day, I come back to the painting and finish it off. I’m suffering a kind of hang-over from the day before. I can’t seem to lock into it in quite the same way as I did the day before. But I finish the painting, glad that I did the main focus of the picture to a finish yesterday.
The mystery skill
So, what is that skill I mentioned in the title of this post? That’s probably obvious by now: It’s focus.
Although it’s been some time since I painted in oils, my memory came back pretty much in tact. I didn’t struggle any more with any part of this little painting than I used to.
But what has become weaker, like a muscle I haven’t used for too long, is my ability to hold a high level of focus for a long period of time, and to hold onto it for more than one day.
I’d got to a point before, when I used to paint regularly, where I found that fairly easy. I realise now that I’m going to have to develop it again.
That’s one thing they don’t talk about in the art books. But I can clearly see in this painting how much stronger my focus was on the parts I painted on the first day.
And I remember, too, the intensive sight size practice I used to do, and how exhausting that was at the time. But I wonder if the real skill I was learning then wasn’t so much accuracy, or how to handle charcoal.
I remember feeling at the time that intensive sight size practice had given me something that I’ve struggled to define since. The nearest I got previously was to say that it increased the resolution of my eye.
But perhaps it was just this: It was simply that it stretched my ability to focus, way beyond what it was before.
So if you see realist work that you’d like to emulate, but struggle to do so, perhaps try bearing this in mind. It may not be entirely the level of drawing skill that makes some realist artists stand out. It may also be that this way of drawing and painting – traditional, classical, whatever you want to call it – is so demanding, it develops an almost superhuman ability to focus for long periods of time.
Perhaps that’s the skill we need to work on most.
Best wishes and thanks for reading,
Paul
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Thanks, Paul! You described my problem exactly! Since chemo, my focus is very weak and it is very difficult for me to stay focused! I would appreciate any suggestions on the best exercises for Focus!
I’m not sure I’m qualified to comment, Helen, in your situation. But what may work is to try to build up slowly. Try to find your level, what you can comfortably achieve, and then try to stretch it, just a little every day.
I’m currently doing a daily meditation for focus. The exercise involves meditating as normal, but changing your focus to different areas of body, one at a time. You begin with your feet, then move to your navel, then your solar plexus, chest, neck, brow, then an area a little above your head. Then you move back down, and then back up again. I do it for about 10 minutes each morning.
Is it developing my focus? To be honest I”m not sure, I’ve probably not been doing it long enough. But it does feel nice 🙂
Thank you Paul for this post and sharing your emotional upheaval of starting to paint again after a break. Very strange I am in the same boat. I have not really painted in nearly a year, but concentrated more on drawing. Now I want to know how we see and how we process what we see. I am on book 3 on the vision of art. It has become an obsession, but I have started to do the drawing practices (upside down and practicing eye & hand coordination.
I saw a very interesting documentary on “color” on German TV (the history and development). They tested little children to see what colors they are attracted to by giving them an array of color blocks (age about 7-8 month). They are attracted to the 3 primary colors red, blue and yellow.
However, our visual cones in the back of our eyes are red, blue and green. That stands the reason that when one is colorblind the green cones are not registering color and the person sees grey. I am learning a lot and what I find is that we are all attracted to red and when we look at paintings we will see that indiscriminatingly little specks of red are in the painting. We perhaps consciously don’t see it but our brain does.
The way I get over my fear of the blank canvas is that I know I can go back to the beginning. When I watched instructional painting videos. It takes courage and I remind myself about the great feeling and satisfaction I experience when I have created a new painting.
That sounds really interesting Helga – do you have a link for the books?
Hi Paul, these are not online books. I ordered them from Amazon used.
1. Amazing Hypothesis by Francis Crick ( very scientific done reading it)
2. Vision and Art by Margaret Livingstone ( more research done reading it)
3. Vision & The Art of Drawing by Howard Hoffman ( he actual teaches a course on this subject or used to and he makes references to Betty Edward’s book) I am doing her suggested practices and Howard’s as well.
I am taking different notes and will share with you what I have learned in the future. Perhaps in an email to you and you can share with it the rest of our drawing community.
Cheers
Helga
It is beautiful. Do you use a lightbox? I want to make onefrom a cardboard box but don’t know how.
Mine is really basic Deborah. I made it our of black foamcore, most art shops have it. I simply cut out the bottom, sides, back and top and hold them together with tape. Nice and easy 🙂
delicious. When you’re starting out and all those panic-questions start, do remember too to actually… BREATHE!
Thanks Julie 🙂 I’ll try to bear that in mind. Maybe I should take my own medicine and start with some breathing lines…
Why copy-paint what is an already nice photo?
Why paint anything, by that logic?
He’s not copying a photograph, he’s painting a still life.
Painting allows to translate more than what a photo is able to show, that’s when personal feelings and impressions come through.
Thank you Paul for sharing.
First of all very beautiful and sensitive rendition, your little portrait of the fresias is magnificient.
I thought you were going to say “fear” was what you found out to be so hard to overcome. Indeed you mention it, and perhaps my latest experience of it predisposed me to fear the same for you …
But the discovery that you develop a higher state of focus is something I can confirm for having experienced similar feeling.
I also notice how few people who go to Live Model sessions can’t handel long poses. I’ve heard
It could easily have been fear Dominique, that certainly was more intense than I remember it! But that may just be my poor memory 🙂
Sorry, the post went out before I was finished, hit the wrong button.
So as I was saying often people will comment on how they can’t hold their focus for a long pose in life modelling, and by long pose I mean only 3 or 4 hours, not even the weeklong or monthlong poses.
I think it’s what separates the good work from the outstanding one. It’s where we can push our skills further, explore and really understand what it is we’re trying to learn and accomplish.
Thanks for pointing out this intensity of focus, another art muscle we are training, which makes such a difference in building endurance, observation skills, and the ability of juging our proficiency.
Yours artistically
“I think it’s what separates the good work from the outstanding one. It’s where we can push our skills further, explore and really understand what it is we’re trying to learn and accomplish.”
I think that’s a very perceptive comment, Dominique. I agree. It’s also something you have to experience to understand, I think.
I get exhausted too, and by the end of a long day am not longer able to see color correctly. And sometimes, after several hours of trying really hard to see color, my eyes go haywire, and I seem to see all colors a bit too brightly. Pretty, but difficult to work at that point!
Maggie
Hah, I can imagine. Maybe that’s what happened to the Nabis – overwork!
Thanks, Paul! I think meditation would help me a lot if I can master it! I finally started a painting for my next print and went through everything you described! I’m 9/10ths finished and can’t focus on the fine details to get it finished! I have people waiting for it and I’m stuck! I’m thinking the lines practice might help me get pulled back in! Thanks Everyone !
Great to see you painting again – it’s a real beauty too- you managed to use your child free time to the hilt ( trying to write this amid the chaos – had another baby in April!) I do think having kids disturbs your focus because they are always on your mind even when you’re not with them, or that’s what I find anyway. Hope you get time to do some more soon.
Great to hear from you Rosemary! And thanks 🙂 Congratulations on number two,I have a good idea of what you’re struggling with, we’ve got two here now as well. It is indeed chaos!
Lucian Freud said in his only interview that concentration is the most important thing in painting.
Thanks Oren, I’d never heard that before. I think he was right 🙂
I think you are laying down the paint to thick for your initial block in. I used to do that try to practice thinning your paint and not pushing down so hard on your brush. paint moving your shoulder rather than your hand making your brush stokes lighter. also, try to practice making the last 15 – 20 minutes of your session the time when you use your mop brush to soften out all your edges. I know some artist wait until the end but doing it at each session allows the next layer to be worked with less effort. The highlights around the pedal when dried should be reworked with a glaze of a small amount of paint in standing oil.that will tone done the highlight giving it a more natural look. It is what makes your painting look like a well blended oil instead of an acrylic painting using oil paints if that makes since. I do admire you dedication to practice and cant wait to see the finished product.
pablo…gracias por tus valiosos aportes y sobre todo por tu humildad ,de reconocer que tambien sientes miedo al enfrentar el reto de volver a pintar y que salga bien. como yo lo siento…….pero me haz ensenado la persistencia y la constancia a pesar que no salgan como yo quiero……comparto esta reflexion….NO SON LOS TITULOS SI NO LAS ACCIONES LAS QUE HACEN NOBLES A LOS HOMBRES…………SIGUE ADELANTE…..TE NECESITAMOS ERES MUY VALIOSO……..FELIZ DIA
Paul, I just can’t thank you enough! You’re an awesome teacher. Hugs!
Thank you Lara! You’re more than welcome and thanks for the hug 🙂
I think your freesia painting is just beautiful. Your blog’s really encouraging. I’m an adult learner, started oil painting lessons about 4 years ago. I appreciate the time you have taken to write about your experiences with painting and drawing.
Thanks Kathy, you’re more than welcome!