We were sitting in the doctor’s office, listening to his description of a little boy and our hearts were sinking more with every minute.
For us, this was the culmination of a three year process to adopt our first child, a process that had been fraught with frustration and doubt. And now this doctor, with his sober suit and professional manner, was telling us that the little boy we’d been matched with probably had severe learning difficulties and might never be able to live an independent life.
The doctor seemed so reasonable and knowledgeable. In a carefully conciliatory tone, he told us that this little boy had what the professionals call “global developmental delay” and that his case was severe. On all the tests they have – language, cognitive skills, fine motor skills, gross motor and social skills – he was behind over 99% of other children they’d tested – and the gap was getting bigger each time they tested him.
He told us that, since the potential of our brains is set at birth and could not be changed, it was unlikely that there would be much improvement in the prognosis for this little boy.
He was a professional paediatrician who spent his days dealing with this kind of problem. It seemed reasonable to take him at his word. At the very least, it was obvious that we would have to accept a large amount of uncertainty.
Uncertainty
I was scared. Very scared. How would I be able to cope with that? Nothing in my life up to that point had prepared me for it. I was clueless. And honestly, I have enough trouble keeping myself together. My wife, however, was incensed. How dare this doctor label and write off this little life so glibly?
We were pretty much this little boy’s last chance. He was getting older, was male, and had a serious issue. In adoption terms, those factors added up to high a likelihood that he would spend his life in care if we didn’t take him.
We talked it over. We disagreed and we even argued a little. But we decided to go ahead.
We didn’t take it lightly, however. What we also did was begin learning everything we could about child development.
Hope
It wasn’t long before, in more recent neuroscientific research, we came across something called brain plasticity. If you’re a regular reader here, you’ll have heard me talk about this quite a bit. This little boy is the reason I learned about it in the first place.
Brain plasticity is the ability for our brains to change throughout our lives, at any age. Change can be positive or negative. But the existence of the potential for change means that we can take an active hand in whether the change in our own brains – or those of the people around us – is positive or negative.
The more I read, the more I allowed myself to hope. The clouds had parted. Suddenly, there was a real possibility that we could make a difference for our little boy. A possibility that the doctor was wrong.
Transformation
From the beginning, we took an active part in our son’s development.
Every day, we took him out into nature so that he could experience new things: splashing in puddles; running through leaves; stroking horses; climbing trees. We got hold of everything we could find to help him grow, both mentally and physically. We bought all the educational toys we could find and spent time teaching him how to thread a lace through a hole, build a tower of blocks, identify shapes, make simple jigsaw puzzles. Every day was filled with stimulation and learning.
As you might expect, I spent quite a bit of time drawing with him, an activity I still credit with a meaningful contribution towards his mental development.
What we witnessed, especially over the first year he was with us, will stay with me for the rest of my life. Already as I write this, I’m having to wipe away tears.
When he first came to us, because of his situation, he had just about every form of support the health authorities could provide. By his fourth year, he had been officially signed off from all of them. He was within normal range for everything. He had overcome his delay.
An unexpected gift
This little boy gave me an incredible gift. He taught me, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that we’re not limited by what we’re born with – or even by what we have now, whatever point of our lives we may be at. He taught me that with the right kind of stimulation, we can learn and improve beyond what we might assume is possible. I saw it happen in front of me, day by day. It was the most powerful lesson I could have had on our potential for development.
He gave us a greater gift, too. We get to have him in our lives. We call him our sunshine boy, because that’s what he brings into our days. He wakes up singing, laughs all day and goes to bed asking questions (both deep and ridiculous) about a world that fills him with wonder. “What would happen if you had ten legs, could you run really fast? What would happen if you didn’t have any bones? Why is dying in the world? Are dreams real?”
Walls
Now, as much as I’d love to take credit for being an amazing parent, we didn’t do a lot more than most loving parents would do. And as well as having nature (in the form of brain plasticity) on our side, there was one other major factor that was holding him back before he came to us.
Up until we adopted him, he had spent almost all his time in a playpen. It’s a sad truth that whilst the health authorities do what they can to help the children in their care, sometimes the care those children receive is that in name only. A large part of the reason his development took off so quickly was that he’d previously had so little stimulation, so little basic human interaction that his natural development had stalled.
The walls of his playpen had defined his world, and they had defined the limits of his growth.
The truth was that he had never had any learning difficulties at all.
Our own walls
I’ve been writing on this website since 2005, when I decided to make a concerted effort to teach myself to draw and paint realistically. The journey has been far from easy, longer than I thought and fraught with uncertainty and doubt.
Many times I lost hope. Sometimes I stopped trying altogether. In my weakest moments, I believed I just didn’t have the talent I hoped for, that I would never be able to reach the heights of the artists I admired.
I accepted limitations that weren’t real. I came up against closed doors and I took them for walls.
If we’re not careful, we can make our own walls; walls made of our assumptions of what we’re capable of, of how far we can grow. We limit ourselves if we believe that a lack of talent can hold us back. Talent in a particular area is no more than a brain that’s been deliberately developed in a specific direction, optimised for a specific set of skills. It should be noted that, as shown by our clinical studies, Kamagra pills do not affect the rate of bleeding, but the active stage of peptic ulcer requires mandatory medical advice. Read more on https://blog.jobmedic.co.uk/kamagra. about the side effects of the pills for potency.
You can choose which direction you want to develop your brain in, simply by taking an active part in your development. Like a child who has been too long in a playpen, all you need is the right stimulation.
Beyond assumptions
If we’d accepted that doctor’s advice, we might never have believed that the bounding bundle of exuberance that greets us every morning was possible. We might never have adopted him in the first place. He might never have grown as he has, into one of the brightest little boys you could ever hope to meet. And the doctor’s grim prognosis would have been his reality.
So let this year be the year you look beyond the walls of your own assumptions about what you can achieve. Those walls are illusions. You don’t have the same obstacles this little boy had to overcome, and neither do I. He’d had a terribly bad start in life, but he still overcame it, mostly through love.
Undoubtedly you will have obstacles. But perhaps, like this little boy’s problems, they might not be as insurmountable as they seem. Perhaps you can overcome them.
Perhaps you’re older, and you’re feeling that you’ve left it a little late. If that’s the case, there’s more good news for you. Brain plasticity isn’t the preserve of the young. Along with discovering that our brains grow and develop with experience, those nice people in lab coats have discovered that the process happens throughout our lives. You can teach an old dog new tricks.
So this is my wish for you in 2016: Don’t be your own misinformed doctor, unquestioning of perceived limitations and accepted wisdom. Don’t allow untested assumptions to limit your development.
Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. Take things one step at a time and build slowly.
Who knows how far you might go?
Best wishes and thanks for reading,
Paul
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Wow! I don’t think I would have been capable of taking on this child!! You are wonderful people! And not only did your son win, so did you. Good on you all!!!! My tears Re flowing too…
Believe me Bronwen, I had my doubts too! But it turned out to be the most overwhelmingly positive thing that’s ever happened to us. Sometimes confronting uncertainly is a very effective way to grow, although it may not be the easiest way!
Beautifully written and inspiring as always.
Paul,
Great story! He chose the right father, and that has made all the difference. Good work!
If you haven’t done so already, teach him how to play chess. That will also help expand his mind.
Best Wishes,
Conrad Conero
Thanks Conrad, chess is a great idea. He may still be a little young for it yet (and is obsessed with football at the moment!) but I’ll introduce it when it looks like he’s ready. Which means I’ll have to learn to play myself, of course – more opportunity for growth 🙂
thank you for sharing this wonder and story. My son started chesss around 7-8 yesrs old to my surprise because he had some learning issues. ..to me all the things you are doing are things I did as well as violin and art. the most powerful great brain developer I ever found was love and believing in that boy of mine. He is now a PhD candidate for computer engineering, athlete and handsome nice guy. Love and care and faith do work wonders for all of us. Thanks again.
What a wonderful story Janet, thanks so much for sharing it. I quite agree. Love and believing them are the most powerful things. Congratulations on being a brilliant Mum 🙂
Wonderful and very moving Paul – God Bless You!
Thanks Nicholas, and you too.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Just yesterday I was questioning my self worth as an artist because I’d gotten off the new year so very slowly. And the thought of starting a portrait made me have a visceral reaction of fear. Theres no time, work is busy, everyone needs my attention…… you know the drill…. So, back to the drawing board for me. And super kudos to you and your family.
I do know the drill Carol, and I experience it myself, still, and daily! Love yourself. Start small 🙂
I should have said he chose the right parents, since you both have accomplished this together.
Actually I think my wife did most of it – including convincing me to go ahead in the first place.
Your sunshine boy will be an inspiration for a lot of people. Great to read!
Thanks Marianne.
A beautiful and inspiring story ! Thank you for sharing your son’s journey with me.
Thanks Kim, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
What a testament! It’s a beautiful thing and so inspiring and encouraging to know how much potential we all have in us. Thanks for sharing.
I couldn’t agree more Pamela!
What a lovely story – how very courageous of you and your wife – how wise and insightful you are to see beyond the obvious (or maybe the not so obvious). What loving people you are to devote yourselves as you do. How very deserving you are of the miracle child that is your very own – reborn of your natural love.
At another level you are also awakening many among your followers and helping us break down barriers and limitations to creativity – with your easy, patient, common sense approach to teaching. You are a quiet hero and a gifted guide. Thank you. Every good wish to you and your family.
Honestly Breda, we’re just normal parents. You couldn’t help but love this boy. Thanks very much for your kind words, good wishes to you too.
God bless your family. You are so courageous and faithful. What a wonderful story.
Thanks Liz.
Very inspirational. As I read I thought about the limitations related to my art and other parts of my life that I have put on myself. You have helped me realize that improvement is possible. God bless your little boy and your generous spirit.,
That’s really wonderful to hear Gail! Thanks for taking the time to let me know.
You’ve given out heaps of great information, but this post was by far the most resonant. Thank you, and I hope so many people take this with them as well, into the new year. Thank you for being thoughtful and vocal.
Wow, thanks Jeff! Have a great 2016.
I’m 83 years old. Your article was so delightful. I just want you to know I bought a coloring book and by gum, today I start to color. Bless you ;and thank you!
Good for you Joan!
What a wonderful article and what a lucky little boy to have parents like you. Your words brought tears to my eyes, and as one of the older people mentioned, there could be hope for me yet.
There is very definitely hope Barbara, and more than hope. There is certainty. I’d recommend a book called “Soft Wired” by Michael Merzenich if you’re interested in reading more about how you can take an active part in making you you continually grow and develop, at any age.
Fantastic post Paul! And a bit of a co-incidence as I recently heard or read something about brain plasticity elsewhere – a notion I’ve intuitively felt to be true for many years. I’m on my 4th career and continue to learn at the same rate (in my 60s) as I did in my teens and 20s! I may not comment often, but I continue to look forward to and read your posts with great interest. Thanks.
Thanks Malcolm. You’re obviously an excellent case in point, thanks for sharing 🙂
Thank-you, Paul! What a beautiful message to inspire all of us!
Thanks Celeste, glad you liked it.
This is an incredible article! And an incredible testament of meeting a challenge head on. Both of you are amazing parents and you are raising an amazing child! Thanks so much for sharing!
Wow, thanks Marlene! He truly is amazing – as all children are 🙂
Wow thank you, that was really encouraging to read. Really appreciate the time and effort it must have taken to create this post.
Thanks Lisa, I’m really happy to hear that. It was a labour of love, though 🙂
Wow, Paul. What an inspiring post! I am one of those “older ones” but it’s made me want to get up and go! Get out those pencils and draw!
Fantastic Jan! I find it’s best to start small, and take the long view. Just a few minutes a day to begin with, and let it grow naturally. Good luck!
Wonderful story. Your little boy is lucky to have been matched with people who think for themselves. I hope the doctor finds out just how wrong he was before he writes off anyone else!
Your words come at a timely moment for me as well, thank you!
The doctor wasn’t wrong in his assumption though. He was telling them where he was in his development, and where he would likely end up based on what was his then current inability to learn. If this little boy hadn’t been fortunate enough to be moved into such a wonderful environment, he most likely would have ended up that way.
That is SO inspiring, it bought tears to my eyes.
Thank you
So what I needed today ❤️ Thank you!! And God Bless you!!
Your story is wonderful encouragement for us all. I had been drawing and painting since a child and had sold quite a lot of oil paintings in the past. For various reasons I stopped.
Recently, well, 4-5 years ago I decided to take up my art again. However, I find myself procrastinating, putting things off and generally avoiding touching pencil to paper or paintbrush to canvas.
Frankly, I have stood at a crossroads for a long long time now. Reading your message may have given me just the prod and encouragement I need to make 2016 the year I leave those crossroads and make a positive return to my art.
Many thanks.
That’s a fantastic thing you have done for your boy! And an excellent statement to live by. Thanks.
It’s a very touching and inspiring post, Paul. Wonderful to read how a little child can now blossom, thanks to the belief of you and your wife in the brain’s plasticity. Wishing you more laughter and happy days ahead!
Two comments: first, I also am an adoptive parent, and I am always surprised when people say how lucky my child is to have been placed with us. I have always felt that my husband and I are the lucky ones to have the opportunity to know and love and care for this beautiful person. Second, I think your experience with your son is a good metaphor for our artistic talents and desires. Can we really cope with them? Are we equal to what developing that talent will demand? And we may very well find that our artistic ability is stunted for lack of stimulation. By attending to it we can nourish our inner artist and overcome its deficiencies — which of course is your point. Thank you for this article.
You are a wonderful man Paul, I hadn’t realised how wonderful until reading this, but the important thing is that those closest to you will have known it always.
Paul:
This is a beautiful and moving message … Thanks for sharing your experience, your strength and your knowledge.
I translated your article into Spanish, for your Spanish-speaking readers can enjoy it fully.
A hug.
Balta.
Lo que un niño me enseñó acerca de conseguir “Lo Imposible”
Estábamos sentados en la oficina del doctor, escuchando su descripción de un niño pequeño y nuestros corazones se hundían más a cada minuto.
Para nosotros, esto fue la culminación de un proceso de tres años en la adopción de nuestro primer hijo, un proceso que había estado llena de frustración y dudas. Y ahora este médico, con su traje sobrio y de manera profesional, se nos dice que el pequeño niño con el que habíamos coincidido probablemente tenía graves dificultades de aprendizaje y quizá nunca podría ser capaz de vivir una vida independiente.
El doctor parecía tan razonable y bien informado. En un tono cuidadosamente conciliador, nos dijo que este niño tenía lo que los profesionales llaman “retraso en el desarrollo global” y que su caso era grave. En todas las pruebas que le hicieron – lenguaje, habilidades cognitivas, habilidades de motricidad fina, motricidad mayor y habilidades sociales – él estaba detrás de más del 99% de los otros niños que habían probado – y la diferencia fue haciendo más grande cada vez que lo probaban.
Nos dijo que, ya que el potencial de nuestro cerebro se fija en el nacimiento y no se podía cambiar, que era poco probable que hubiera una gran mejora en el pronóstico de este pequeño niño.
Él era un pediatra profesional que pasó sus días frente a este tipo de problema. Parecía razonable que creyéramos en su palabra. Por lo menos, era obvio que íbamos a tener que aceptar una gran cantidad de incertidumbre.
Incertidumbre
Estaba asustado. Muy asustado. ¿Cómo voy a ser capaz de hacer frente a eso? Nada en mi vida hasta ese momento me había preparado para ello. Yo no tenía ni idea. Y honestamente, ya tengo suficientes problemas para lidiar conmigo mismo. Mi esposa, sin embargo, se indignó. ¿Cómo se atreve este doctor a etiquetar y descartar esta pequeña vida tan a la ligera?
Nosotros éramos casi la última oportunidad de este niño. Él estaba creciendo, era varón, y tenía un problema grave. En términos de adopción, estos factores sumados a la alta probabilidad de que pasaría bajo cuidado toda su vida si no lo tomábamos.
Lo hablamos de nuevo. Disentimos e incluso discutimos un poco. Pero decidimos seguir adelante.
Sin embargo, no lo tomamos a la ligera. Lo que también hicimos fue empezar a aprender todo lo que pudiera sobre el desarrollo de los niños.
Esperanza
No mucho tiempo antes, en la investigación neurocientífica más reciente, nos encontramos con algo que llaman plasticidad cerebral. Si eres un lector habitual aquí, me habrás oído hablar de esto un poco. Este niño es la razón principal por la que aprendí al respecto.
La plasticidad cerebral es la capacidad de nuestro cerebro para cambiar a lo largo de nuestra vida, a cualquier edad. El cambio puede ser positivo o negativo. La existencia de la posibilidad de cambiar significa que podemos tomar una parte activa en el cambio en nuestros propios cerebros – o los de las personas que nos rodean – sea positivo o negativo.
Cuanto más leía, más me permití esperanza. Las nubes se habían separado. De repente, hubo una posibilidad real de que podíamos hacer una diferencia para nuestro hijo pequeño. Una posibilidad que el doctor estuviese equivocado.
Transformación
Desde el principio, tomamos parte activa en el desarrollo de nuestro hijo.
Todos los días, lo pusimos en contacto con la naturaleza para que pudiera experimentar cosas nuevas: chapotear en los charcos; correr sobre las hojas; acariciar caballos; escalar árboles. Nos sujetamos de cada cosa que pudimos encontrar para ayudarlo a crecer, tanto mental como físicamente. Compramos todos los juguetes educativos que encontramos y pasamos tiempo enseñándole cómo enhebrar un hilo a través de un agujero, construir una torre de bloques, identificar las formas, hacer rompecabezas sencillos. Cada día se llenó de estimulación y aprendizaje.
Como era de esperar, me pasé un poco de tiempo dibujando con él, una actividad que todavía considero como una contribución significativa hacia su desarrollo mental.
Lo que presenciamos, especialmente durante el primer año que estuvo con nosotros, se quedará conmigo por el resto de mi vida. Incluso mientras escribo esto, tengo que secarme las lágrimas.
Cuando llegó por primera vez a nosotros, a causa de su situación, tenía casi todas las formas de apoyo que las autoridades de salud podían proporcionarle. Para su cuarto año, estaba oficialmente libre de esos apoyos. Estaba dentro del rango normal para todo. Había superado su retraso.
Un regalo inesperado
Este niño me dio un regalo increíble. Él me enseñó, más allá de cualquier sombra de duda, que no estamos limitados por lo que tenemos al nacer – o incluso por lo que tenemos ahora, en cualquier punto de nuestras vidas en que estemos. Él me enseñó que con el tipo adecuado de estimulación, podemos aprender y mejorar más allá de lo que podríamos suponer que es posible. Lo vi ocurrir delante de mí, día a día. Fue la más poderosa lección que podría haber tenido sobre nuestro potencial de desarrollo.
Él también nos dio un regalo más grande. Debíamos tenerlo en nuestras vidas. Lo llamamos nuestro Sol Brillante, porque eso es lo que trae a nuestros días. Se despierta cantando, se ríe todo el día y se va a la cama haciendo preguntas (tanto profundas como ridículas) acerca de un mundo que lo llena de asombro. “¿Qué pasaría si tuvieras diez patas, podrías correr muy rápido? ¿Qué pasaría si no tuvieras ningún hueso? ¿Por qué se está muriendo en el mundo? ¿Son reales los sueños?”
Paredes
Ahora, por mucho que me encantaría tomar el crédito por ser un padre increíble, que no hicimos mucho más de lo que la mayoría de los padres cariñosos harían. Y además de tener la naturaleza (en forma de plasticidad cerebral) de nuestro lado, había otro factor importante que lo estaba frenando antes de llegar a nosotros.
Hasta que lo adoptamos, había pasado casi todo su tiempo en un corralito. Es una triste realidad que, si bien las autoridades sanitarias hacen lo que pueden para ayudar a los menores a su cargo, a veces el cuidado que esos niños reciben es que sólo de nombre. Una gran parte de la razón de su desarrollo despegara tan rápidamente era que él previamente había tenido tan poca estimulación, tan poca interacción humana básica, que su desarrollo natural se había estancado.
Las paredes de su corral habían definido su mundo, y habían definido los límites de su crecimiento.
La verdad era que nunca había tenido problemas de aprendizaje en absoluto.
Nuestras propias paredes
He estado escribiendo en este sitio web desde el año 2005, cuando me decidí a hacer un esfuerzo concertado para enseñarme a mí mismo a dibujar y pintar con realismo. El viaje no ha sido nada fácil, más de lo que pensaba y lleno de incertidumbre y duda.
Muchas veces he perdido la esperanza. A veces dejé de intentarlo por completo. En mis momentos más débiles, yo creía que no tenía el talento que yo esperaba, que nunca sería capaz de llegar a las alturas de los artistas que admiraba.
Acepté limitaciones que no eran reales. Me topé contra puertas cerradas y las tomé por paredes.
Si no tenemos cuidado, nosotros podemos crear nuestras propias paredes; paredes de nuestras suposiciones de lo que somos capaces de hacer, de lo mucho que podemos crecer. Nos limitamos a nosotros mismos si creemos que la falta de talento nos puede detener. El talento en un área en particular no es más que un cerebro que se ha desarrollado deliberadamente en una dirección específica, optimizado para un conjunto específico de habilidades.
Tú puedes elegir en qué dirección quieres desarrollar tu cerebro simplemente tomando un papel activo en tu desarrollo. Al igual que un niño que ha estado demasiado tiempo en un corralito, todo lo que necesita es la estimulación adecuada.
Más allá de las suposiciones
Si hubiéramos aceptado el consejo de ese médico, nunca podríamos haber creído que el paquete de exuberancia que nos saluda cada mañana fuera posible. Para empezar, quizá nunca lo hubiéramos adoptado. Nunca podría haber crecido como lo ha hecho, como uno de los más brillantes niños que podrías esperar encontrarte. Y el sombrío pronóstico del médico habría sido su realidad.
Así que permite que este año sea el año en que miras más allá de las paredes de sus propias suposiciones acerca de lo que puedes lograr. Esas paredes son ilusiones. No tienes los mismos obstáculos este niño tuvo que superar, y yo tampoco. Él había tenido un terrible mal comienzo en la vida, no obstante lo superó, sobre todo a través del amor.
Sin lugar a dudas tendrás obstáculos. Pero tal vez, al igual que los problemas de este niño, podrían no ser tan insalvables como parecen. Tal vez puedes superarlos.
Quizá eres viejo, y sientes que ya es un poco tarde. Si ese es el caso, hay más buenas noticias para ti. La plasticidad del cerebro no es el privativo para los jóvenes. Junto con el descubrimiento de que nuestros cerebros crecen y se desarrollan con la experiencia, esas personas agradables en batas de laboratorio han descubierto que el proceso ocurre a lo largo de nuestras vidas. Puedes enseñar trucos nuevos a un perro viejo.
Así que este es mi deseo para ti en 2016: No seas tu propio médico mal informado, sin cuestionar las limitaciones percibidas y aceptando la sabiduría. No permitas que las suposiciones no probadas limiten tu desarrollo.
Ámate a ti mismo. Sea paciente contigo mismo. Tome las cosas un paso a la vez y construye poco a poco.
¿Quién sabe hasta dónde puedes llegar?
Mis mejores deseos y gracias por leer,
Paul.
Thank you Paul for sharing this beautiful time in your lives. How wonderful that you found, early on in your life, your life’s purpose and to live that dream. So much love, so little time. Meredith
Thank you, Paul, for sharing his story with us all – very inspirational and also a sad damnation of the ‘experts’ that offer their trite assumptions and indiscriminately label us. Cannot praise you both for the effort you made on his behalf and hope that you have taken him back to your doctor just to prove what love and patience can do when you really try. Bless you all! Merle xx
It’s so nice to read such a story amidst all the blather and horror that seem to fill the air. It is truly a reminder of what we (humans) can be …..
Plus, you are a brilliant art teacher.
Paul, that is so inspiring. This is the most common obstacle in life, the image we perceive of ourselves becomes a kind of block in between our goals. Situations like this, encourage us to work to wards our goal unwaveringly.
Thanks Chris. I completely agree.
Just beautiful, thank you for sharing this life expereince!
You are a shining example of what a parent should be. God bless you. The world needs more like you.
Dear Paul, Thank you for sharing your story. It deeply moved me and made me teary.
We have an autistic son and believe in neuro plasticity theory. He is almost 6 and he has made an amazing leap over the last few years.
I don’t want to go into details of our own story here, but I just wanted to tell you how moved i was by your story and by the possibilities that we human beings possess beyond that wall. And yes, I’ve already made my decision that 2016 is the year that I accept I’ve created the wall and say “no, that wall doesn’t serve me anymore.”
Happy new year to you, Paul!
Paul, I read your blog on the train into work this morning. It was a little embarrassing crying in front of others, but I don’t care. This is one of the most beautiful and inspiring things I have ever read. Thank you. I can’t imagine the courage and faith you and your wife needed to take this journey. You have given your son and the world a gift. Who knows what he will do, what heights he will scale and how he may someday help another soul who only needs a little love to grow. Wow. This blows me away. Bravo!
During my train trip this morning an interesting coincidence occurred. I was still recovering from your article, when 40 plus kids on a field trip got onto the train. They were all filled with so much energy and life. I couldn’t stop smiling thinking your son will someday be like just like them, because of you. Keep it up, you’re doing good.
Steve
I’ve been tremendously moved by reading your post today Paul. It was moving having heard the earlier part of it in person when we used to work together so I’m definitely more moved / touched by your’s and your wife’s journey so far. Your son is a very special boy as are both you and your wife. I really love the fact that you have taken to drawing and writing more – something I always said to you to continue to pursue. You are very talented and gifted. You are right about neuroscience – I’ve definitely read loads more to do with that since our conversations. Time and time again during my numerous interactions with clients I am always reminded what Carl Rogers always used to say about human life and the human spirit: “it’s the relationship that heals” and that is why I feel honoured, blessed and privileged to walk a path where I bear witness to other people’s struggles whilst providing emotional support to them. The only limitation we have is the limitation we place on ourselves, and by truly loving ourselves we can truly love others in order for us all to be able to grow together. Your post really resonates with my passionate heart when I say / think / believe and behave that ‘love really does conquer all’. My life’s goal is to continue with my journey to fight towards better mental health for everyone, by disbelieving and disproving the judgemental societal system that we live in today. And this is something that I truly admire and find inspiring that you and your wife instinctively did from the outset. Thank you for sharing your beautiful post. God bless you and your beautiful family. Tina
pablito que hermoso ejemplo de vida nos has dado conmovio mi corazon por todo el amor , esfuerzo y carino que le brindaron a su hermoso hijo, no le importo los obstaculos que se le presentaron las demas personas ustedes creyeron en el… y se Dedicaron con todo el corazon y ahora ven los frutos de su dedicacion VEO EL AMOR DE DIOS REFLEJADO EN SUS CORAZONES y en sus actos QUE EL TODOPODEROSO COMPARTILOS COLME DE INMENSAS BENDICIONES……MIL GRACIAS POR COMPARTIR TUS EXPERIENCIAS Y DARME UNA HERMOSA LECCION DE VIDA…..LOS QUIERO
Thank you for this lovely story. As a 68-year-old worrying about coping with old age, this witness to brain plasticity gives me inspiration. God bless you.
Okay, Paul! I Believe I just Read the Introduction to Your Book! :()
Paul,
I signed up on your list for the drawing instruction…I don’t draw as much anymore, but I am so glad I am on your list. I don’t see your posts that frequently, but they are so inspirational when they do occur, they are worth waiting for. Your writing is more valuable, I think, than you might know.
Your stuff reminds me so much of the great Frederick Franck in that learning to draw becomes a proxy for becoming a better human being. The person himself/herself becomes the work of art.
Paul, thank you for this post. It was great. I really enjoyed it and I wish you and your family nothing but the best. I look forward to next week’s post.
Dear Paul,
I am sure I will not read a more moving, wise and compassionate account of love and hope than yours. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I know that what you have written is going to make a difference in my life, and my family’s.
Have a great 2016!
You never fail to amaze. Thank you Paul and Michelle for being such loving, courageous and honourable human beings. Thank you for the inspiration.
God bless you and your beautiful family ❤
Dear Paul; Your story moved me greatly. What a special couple you and your wife must be! What a lucky little boy. That has to be the greatest work of art you have created.
Gloria
God Bless your wife for not letting a bad moment define the joy of her tomorrow. God bless you for being man enough to share her hope. You both did the incredible, you step out on faith and changed the course of a life. You brought about the change you wanted to see. Together you created a miracle because you did not just hope you did the hard work to get your son to his proper baselines. Absolutely amazing.
ps
You write very well maybe a children’s book with drawings, or a graphic novel is in your future, joining together your love art and your talent for writing?
How lovely Paul. You remind me that I need to treat myself, sometimes, as a child that needs encouragement, love, and direction. To give myself as much attention and love as I would give anyone else. Some others who commented reminded me that there are new challenges when work is steadily happening and success does come. This is what meaningful artistic life is about. How fortunate we are to be learning and growing together!
Thank you, thank you so much, for showing me this window of possibilities! It gives me hope that I can do what I have taken on–to paint professionally! Raising a child is in Itself a Herculean task but raising one who is challenged is life altering but you don’t have a choice as it is your own flesh and blood….but u did chose to take the responsibility of one on your own is super human!! Hats off to you, world is surviving becoz of people like you!
Thank you so very much for this inspiring story of your courageous adoption and beautiful son. I am like many others who shared the fears of continuing on with art because I am older now and feel separated from my art because too much time has passed by without addressing it. I don’t really know why I have left it so long; unfinished pictures lie in my studio as blocks to my art and myself. I pray your story will get me up working again as I truly do love it, and when I am doing it I find a strength and love for myself I didn’t have before. No more walls, only doors.
Thank you Paul for sharing this wonderful, heart-rending but also heart-warming story.
You are amazing parents to achieve what you have obviously achieved with your little boy.
Paul,
You said that you two didn’t do a lot more than what most loving parents would. I find that to be an underestimation!
I am so proud of you two for taking on the challenge and providing a better life for your son.
Thank you for the inspiration, and Happy New Year!
Beautiful story Paul! What a lucky family!
This is really beautiful Paul, thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks Alex, and great to hear from you! I hope things are going well for you? I haven’t been in the forums for some time I’m afraid!
Quite well thanks Paul. I’ve left the forums to focus on other things for a while, but I’ll try to keep up here.
Thank you so much for sharing this great story and your thoughts, just what I needed to hear!! Thank you!!
Thank you.
Apparently, my husband was born with the ability to draw. Because of this, he initially thought that everyone was born with this ability, and therefore, he couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just draw what I saw. He still doesn’t fully understand why I can’t see and draw like he does. He took no lessons and was able to draw the first time he tried. How does this happen?
It doesn’t! In stories like this, a little more investigation invariably brings to light either some earlier exposure/training or a lot of practice. Usually both – assuming he really can draw, of course. Unfortunately we can’t do that investigation easily here. No-one is simply born with a highly developed set of specific skills. That’s not how our brains work.
I do appreciate that it may often seem to be the case that high levels of skill appear of their own accord, but anecdotal evidence is unfortunately not enough. I’d recommend having a look at “Peak” by Anders Ericsson, and look again at what your husband says in light of that book.
Thank you for this post, Paul, and many others. Usually I read for the drawing/painting insights, but this was really moving.
Thank you Joe!
Thank you for taking the time to share your story! I needed this for my own story to continue. I have hope. I am impressed that you listened in the end to your wife and that she was a believer in what she felt to be true. May God bless you all to continue to laugh and have sunshine in your lives! And may you continue to share the journey!
Thank you Lyn!
Hi Paul,
Thank you so much for your lovely story and I feel you and your family must have the best supporting people surrounding you! You and your wife helping your children and your children helping you two!
I have been receiving your emails for sometime now and I apologise for never commenting, but I had to say something to this story. I have only read a few of your emails and again I apologise, but I will aim to be more observant by visiting your site reading your blogs more often.
Art is a very important part of my life and I’ve been painting for over twenty five years and through reading some of your emails and especially with this story, I understand that ” We are always learning and will always be learning until the day we die.”
Thanks to you and likeminded people who want to help others by setting up blogs and video site dedicated to demonstrating their artistic abilities, I have started to watch more youtube programmes on art demonstrations and also reading artist’s blogs, as well as going back to (properly) reading the books on Old Masters and Contemporary Artists and I have realised that there is always something new to try or of a different method that will help me with my own artwork. So again…. Thank you!