Yellow Roses, Oil on Linen Panel, 7 x 9.5 inches
Every morning, before anyone else in the house is awake, I sit in the kitchen and write in my journal.
It’s a quiet space I set aside for thinking, planning my day, encouraging myself, occasionally berating myself.
Sometimes, just to write with no plan for what might come out.
One day near the start of this year, I wrote a sentence that frightened me a little:
“This year I will become an excellent flower painter.”
I remember sitting looking at that sentence for a while, surprised that I’d written it.
What surprised me most is that I didn’t include the word “try.” So I knew I really wanted to do it.
I also didn’t write “good” or “competent”, I wrote “excellent”.
This isn’t comfortable for me to share.
This is a private dream, a hope, something to reach for. Something that might seem cheapened somehow if I shared it. Perhaps a little less likely to happen.
But now you know why I’ve been obsessively painting flowers this summer. And slowly, I do believe I’m moving in toward that goal.
I’m not sure it’s a goal I’ll ever be able to say I feel I’ve achieved, but it seems important to me, so I’ll keep reaching for it.
As I was painting these roses, they seemed to me to be trying to reach toward the light. I emphasised their movement, because it resonated with me.
It’s quite a frightening thing to do, to share a goal of great personal importance with several thousand people. Perhaps even with one.
It makes it more real, something you can’t dodge or forget about.
So, if you have a goal, or a dream that your frightened to share, I want to invite you to share it with me. Email me and let me know what it is. It will stay between us.
I know it’s not easy. But we both might be more likely to make real progress towards our most fondly held goals, just by sharing them.
If it’s too uncomfortable, I understand. I wasn’t planning to share mine today.
But I suddenly feel that I’m taking it much more seriously.
I wonder if it might make me push myself just a little further the next time I’m painting a flower.
Best wishes and thanks for reading,
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